Pigskin Prophet: Jingling and Jangling Keys Edition |
A trip up the mountain is good for the soul. I think.
After my remarks to the guys that run things at the University of South Carolina, I was encouraged to take a few months off to think about the error of my ways. I kept working, but didn’t have any plans to get back into the operational side of college football. Until a Hokie called. I was invited to Virginia Tech, where Clemson plays this weekend, to take a look at helping ease the traffic flow around Lane Stadium. I wanted to suggest putting up machine shops and port-a-potties and a fairgrounds – that drives people away in droves in Columbia – but held my tongue. I could use a little cash. But I’ve never been to Lane Stadium or paid the program much attention and I was excited to get there. And they were excited to show me around. I asked about the traditions on gameday – I’ve seen some of the best with Hotty Toddy and Toomer’s Corner and Death Valley and Deaf Valley – and they were excited to tell me about “Enter Sandman.” Ah yes, the Metallica song. It turns out the team enters to those familiar chords, and the fans get excited. Kinda like South Carolina and the showering chicken and 2001, a little Hokie (Hahahaha) but whatever boils your beans. I don’t guess I seemed impressed enough, so they told me the atmosphere is intimidating. And when I asked why, they said, “Well, the fans jingle their keys. They do it to distract their opponents on a ‘key’ play.” Uh huh. Frightening. I saw a student putting on the mascot costume, and asked about the turkeys. They brightened up considerably, and said, “You can eat turkey legs in the stadium!!” Wait, so you can eat your own mascot? On purpose? I also asked, why is the mascot a turkey when the nickname says Hokies? Back in the 1800’s some student thought it was all kind of “hokey” and a tradition was born. They were initially the gobblers but the mascot soon became the Hokie Bird. Jingling keys. A rock anthem (but a good one). Eating your mascot. Hokie. Gobblers. It’s too much. But I helped with traffic. Amazing what a few port-a-potties can do. FRIDAY CAL AT WAKE FOREST The usual ACC special. Two teams nobody cares about taking away from high school football. Nobody cares. But Cal gets the win over a Weak Florist program that actually sits next to a fairground. CAL 34, FTD FLORIST 27 SATURDAY MIAMI AT GEORGIA TECH The Hurricanes are rounding into shape, despite the pitiful schedule. In last week’s win over Sister Sadie Dinkins and the Round Top Bible Study Group, they finally found an extra gear and wound up winning big. Georgia Tech isn’t exactly offensively challenged, but they aren’t good. No way the Engineers and the old car are competitive in the fourth quarter, right? MIAMI 37, ENGINEERS 26 FLORIDA AT TEXAS Florida went toe-to-toe with Georgia for the better part of three quarters last week. Of course, we heard that the Florida QB would go to the line and ask questions you would see on the driver’s test, like, “Red 88!!! When two cars arrive at a stop sign at an intersection at the same time, who has the right of way? What is the posted speed limit in a school zone?” And then they caused real havoc by screaming, “LOOK!!! IT’S THE COPS!!!” The refs penalized them for disconcerting signals and it had to stop. They then spent the rest of the game asking, “So, when do you graduate?” Texas needs a win. And will win big. And their players are better drivers. And might actually graduate. TEXAS 37, FLORIDA 17 SYRACUSE AT BOSTON COLLEGE Fans in Boston are excited about this one. I’ve heard people are already tailgating and students have camped out for tickets for this game which will be aired on ESPN+. Boston College needs this win in the worst way, and the fans are going to sell it out and be there to cheer on their Eagles. But enough about the big hockey game against Maine Sunday, a few people will trickle in to see what happens with the football teams. BOSTON COLLEGE 28, SYRACUSE 27. BOSTON COLLEGE 2, MAINE 1 (power play seals the deal). GEORGIA AT OLE MISS Every time an Ole Miss player thinks Georgia is driving, he should shout out a traffic question and then fake an injury. I know, it’s considered to be gauche these days and coaches could be suspended for it. But my idea sounds fun, right? Just bodies of healthy players littering the field while Georgia players look for speed limit signs. Ole Miss in a tight one. Hotty Toddy. OLE MISS 30, GEORGIA 28 CLEMSON AT VIRGINIA TECH Once the Tigers get over their fear of the jingling keys, they have to figure out how to stop the run. Louisville looked like the 1980’s St. Louis (baseball) Cardinals running wild last week, and the Gobblers are sure to run the ball this week. But maybe last week focused this Tiger team and they play well enough to win. Maybe. Not sure about field goals, however. CLEMSON 31, VIRGINIA TECH 27 SOUTH CAROLINA AT VANDERBILT Don’t look now, but the Capons are playing well. Their offense is the freshman QB running around and then gaining first downs, and I am sure Vanderbilt will account for that. I think this might be a low-scoring affair, but the Capons get the win where Alabama didn’t. SOUTH CAROLINA 24, VANDY 23 ALABAMA AT LSU It doesn’t matter. All of the SEC teams with three league losses or less are going to make the SEC Invitational College Football Playoff. ALABAMA 30, LSU 28
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