Pigskin Prophet: Stolen Gameplan Edition |
My past life working security has paid off.
Remember when I worked as a security specialist for Steve Spurrier after he quit at South Carolina? I had to protect him from the angry hordes of Gamecock fans who wanted take a pot shot at him? Well, the ACC has hired me back because of that experience and my experience working with Louisville. I’ve delivered Preparation H to Kentucky this season, and I’ve dealt with all their whining even though they’ve only beaten Sister Sadie Dinkins Sunday School class. A friend of mine told me (and this is a fact) that Bobby Petrino has gone all super spy paranoid the last few seasons and he has his office and the football offices swept for bugs, and not the creepy crawly kind. My guess is his paranoia is twofold – he doesn’t want people to hear his game plan, and he doesn’t want people listening in when he has his “secret meetings” with young, blonde volleyball coaches. Well, last week we found out that the Cardinals somehow delved into corporate sports espionage and stole the Wake Forest game plan. Not cool. That now has the rest of the ACC on edge about it, and so the league office has hired me to spy and make sure this isn’t happening across the league. It's a good gig, but so far I’ve only been scheduled to watch one team. You guessed it: Louisville. Speaking of the whiny, stealing, can’t find a yard marker Cardinals, they play tonight: THURSDAY LOUISVILLE AT HOUSTON Early in the season, this looked like a major matchup. Now we just add it to the list of teams who aren’t great that Louisville has played. But……this Houston team responded in a big way in beating Oklahoma earlier this season, and knocking off Louisville would add a little salve to a season that hasn’t gone the way they liked. Not Bobby Petrino I got road rash crashing my motorcycle and needed salve on my face kinda salve, but it would help emotionally. They will keep it close, but they’ll realize fairly quickly that Louisville is playing so well it’s almost like they know the plays that are coming. LOUISVILLE 38, HOUSTON 34 UTSA AT TEXAS A&M WHOOOO? Who is that playing UTSA? We have no idea. VIRGINIA AT GEORGIA TECH If you need tickets, there are plenty available. It’s worth the price of admission just to see Tech’s linemen fall, roll around and try to bowl people over instead of block. Virginia has been in a lot of games this season, but like a Louisville receiver on the sideline or Petrino on a motorcycle ride, they just can’t finish. TECH 34, WAHOOS 28 CLEMSON AT WAKE FOREST The Tigers travel to Wake, hoping to beat the Demon Deacons on talent and coaching and not a stolen game plan. The Deacs are a lot better this season under Dave Clawson, but only have one win over a team with a pulse and that’s Indiana. They are good defensively, and we know the Tigers love to turn the ball over in the red zone, and that will keep it closer than Clemson fans like. At least for a while. CLEMSON 44, WAKE 20 THE CITADEL AT UNC The Citadel knows how to beat good football teams because they’ve been doing it on the FCS level for years. They also know how to beat bad football teams – they beat South Carolina last season. But UNC isn’t on the FCS level, and they aren’t bad, and they have too many athletes for the Bulldogs to cover for four quarters. The Bulldog players can at least take solace in the fact that they go to class and earn their grades while North Carolina…….yeah, you know. UNC 47, CITADEL 28 WESTERN CAROLINA AT SOUTH CAROLINA Would Western Carolina win the SEC East? Probably not, because no one wants to win it. But Florida showed the game plan to stop Jake Bentley last week – take away the five-yard throw and make the offensive line give him time to throw the ball down the field. He’s not accurate down the field, and the offensive line is garbage. Won’t matter, however. SOUTH CAROLINA 14, WESTERN CAROLINA 13 FLORIDA AT LSU Florida was good until they weren’t, and now they have to make up a game that was postponed when the hurricane blew through earlier this season. We get the feeling the Gators were indeed thinking about safety – they didn’t wanna get their players hurt against the Tigers. But the SEC has forced them to play this game, and now an angry LSU team awaits in Deaf Valley. Neither team has much of an offensive pulse, and both teams can play defense. LSU 24, FLORIDA 21 OKLAHOMA AT WEST VIRGINIA This game has implications that transcend sports. If West Virginia loses, no couch in the state is safe. If the Mountaineers win, no couch in the state is safe. If the Mountaineers win, cousins will marry cousins and brothers will marry sisters and beget a whole new generation of men who have niece/daughters. I’m just kidding, folks. They will only burn the couches if they lose. And they will lose. Oklahoma has found a groove, and somehow, some way is trying to find a way into the College Football Playoff. OKLAHOMA 41, WEST VIRGINIA 33
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