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Military Pron - The French Foreign Legion (1 of 2)

Oct 13, 2023, 3:23 PM

I recently got a special request to take a deep dive on the French Foreign Legion. Oui! Oui!

Who doesn’t like the French Foreign Legion, and their posh little pillbox caps?

There’s an aire of mystique and adventure around the Legion. With exotic lands, and exotic ladies.

Maybe even a chance at love.

Or more.

So I figured, “Hey, I saw Beau Geste about 40 years ago. That pretty much makes me an expert on the Legion.” I’m IN!

They lived in the desert and they had cute kepis. What else is there to know?

A Sahara-hot soup of testosterone and sweat. Firm young men packed like sardines in their tiny fort.
You lift, bro?

Well, that’s only a fraction of the story. So I’ll use the rest of this post to lay out some history and clear up some myth about these mysterious desert warriors.

The legend is that one joins the Foreign Legion to forget the past.

Whatever happened in your previous life, the Legion was a chance to start over with a clean slate.

In fact, today it is a requirement that you clean your slate. Every recruit must enter the Legion under an assumed name. After basic training you can take your old name back, but the Legion intends to break you down to nothing, not even a name, and then rebuild you.

Legionnaires are almost immediately recognizable by their distinctive uniforms.

And sometimes by their tats.

One popular misconception is that the Legion is sort of the French version of the Dirty Dozen. A group of jaded, hardened criminals with nothing left to live for except the slim hope of their own freedom someday.

That used to be true, but that’s not exactly accurate today. And, the Legion isn’t a mercenary unit either. In fact, it’s born of royalty. It actually exists by direct order of the King of France himself, way back in 1831.

King Louis Philippe (he was the third guy after Napoleon was Emperor)

From the distinguished House of Bourbon.

In 1830 King Philippe had two problems. First, there was a revolution in France about every other month. So he needed as many troops as he could find to hold France together.

Lady Liberty liberates her breasts

And second, after Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo 15 years earlier, a LOT of unemployed soldiers ended up on the street.

So there were a lot of highly-trained foreign military guys drifting around France looking for ways to fill their days; by legal means or otherwise.

A whole gaggle of Swiss, Polish, German, Italian, Spanish, and Dutch tuff guys with nothing to do all day but cause trouble.

Organized gangs of desperados who would not be taken lightly, or be treated like clowns.

So it was a smart move by the king to give them something, anything, to do.

But Philippe didn’t want to defend his country with foreigners. That was rule number ONE in Machiavelli’s The Prince.
Because foreigners might always go home, or to the highest bidder. Loyalty was not their strong point.

So Philippe recalled all of France’s citizen troops back home from the French colonies, and gave the crappy colonial jobs to the out-of-work foreign soldiers.

Bon Voyage!

That got them out of France and kept them occupied, killing two birds with one stone.

Without getting too deep into the political morass that was France at the time, the French had a WAY more difficult time with their Revolution(s) than we did with ours.

For instance, there was the July Revolution of 1830, followed by the 1831 Riots, followed by the June Rebellion of 1832. They even made a play about the June Rebellion of 1832.

It was just a continuous mess. And it was right in the middle of that sh**show that the French Foreign Legion was born, by order of the King, on March 10, 1831.

Yes, your majesty

So the primary purpose of the Legion was as much to get surly foreigners OUT of France as it was to get citizens back IN to France. A swap deal. And the primary French colony at the time was right across the Mediterranean, in Algeria.

Algeria was close enough to be controlled by the King, but far enough away that the Legion would not be a threat to his home rule. There’s even a French law that says the French Foreign Legion cannot serve in France itself.

So it was off to the harsh Algerian desert, and the friendly Berber Tribesmen, for the Legion.

A speck of civilization in a lawless sea of sand.

One thing you’ll note about that fort design. The two towers aren’t just to look cool. That’s the minimum configuration that allows a line of sight straight down all 4 fort walls, for maximum firepower on anyone trying to climb them.

Originally the Legion was composed of a couple thousand men separated into units by language. We had the same problem in the 7th Cavalry out in our own colonial territory, at Little Bighorn.

“The 7th Cavalry in June 1876 was 43 officers and 793 enlisted men. Of that number 473 were native born and 320 foreign born; 129 Irish and 127 Germans, and the remaining 64 foreign born were drawn from 14 other nationalities.”

Gallant last stand? Don’t believe the hype. Custer’s wife was the best PR man he ever had.

Although the Legion’s home was Algeria, it wasn’t long before they hit the road. And in that capacity it served as sort of a quasi-mercenary “sin-eater.”
That is, the King could rent them, or loan them, or gift them, or even pimp them out, and they could do all the bad things required in war so that other troops could keep their honor. Who wants blood on their hands when somebody else can do the dirty work?

So in 1835 the French King lent his Legion to the Spanish Queen to help her put down an insurrection in her country. And since the Legion contained no French citizens, France could retain its honor for any atrocities that may have accidentally occurred in Spain.

Queen Isabella II of Spain

Vive La Spain?

The Spanish excursion was a tough one for the Legion. Philippe washed his hands completely of the men, and Isabella ran the unit though the grinder and chewed it up in combat like so much disposable chattel.

Of the 6000 men that left for Spain, only 50 returned to France. Whoof. But North Africa still had to be administered, so a second Legion was formed to replace them. And by 1836 the new Legion was back on station occupying Algeria, fighting hard to put down the natives.

The 2nd French Foreign Legion assaults Constantine, in Algeria, 1837.

Over time, the Legion doubled its size from one regiment to two regiments, primarily based in Oran and Sidi Bel Abbès, about 30 miles outside of Oran.

Oran then, in 1850

Oran now

As the Legion grew it soon became famous for fast, grueling marches all over North Africa fighting insurgents. Occasionally, there was a massacre or two.

It was said that a legionnaire needed thighs of a buck, the heart of a lion, and the stomach of an ant. And what was formerly a loosely-disciplined force became more, and more, and more experienced, trained, and hardened.

Eventually, Legion subdivision by nationality and race fell away, and the Legion became more of a melting pot.

Time and again the Legion has provided a way for France to be involved in conflicts, without France being involved in conflicts. “Sure we fly a French flag, but we’re not citizens, just military enthusiasts.”

They turned up in the Crimean War in Russia 1853.

They were in the Italian War of Independence in 1859.

They even ended up in Mexico during our Civil War, from 1862-1867.

And it was in Mexico, 30 years into its own history, that the Legion was etched forever into legend. Just like we have The Alamo, the last defiant stand against overwhelming numbers…

And the British have Rorke’s Drift against the Zulus…

The Legion has the Battle of Camaron, Mexico.

A year after the Battle of Puebla in 1862 (which we know as Cinco De Mayo), the French Legion was fighting hard in Mexico.

While the Battle of Chancellorsville was raging in our own American Civil War, a 62-man detachment of the French Foreign Legion was marching to help escort a shipment of gold and supplies in Mexico.

Just outside of Veracruz, on the way to Mexico City, they were ambushed by over 3,000 Mexican infantry and cavalry. Three thousand vs. 62. Yikes.

The Legionnaires made a dash to a nearby hacienda, where they fought to the last 3 men over the course of a full day. Down to no ammunition, they finally accepted surrender terms.

When the Mexican leader arrived he said, "Is this all of them? Is this all of the men who are left?" Then he exclaimed, "These are not men. They are demons!" The gold caravan made it safely to its destination, and the 3 legionnaires were released to go home.

The leader of that detachment that day was Captain Jean Danjou, who had a wooden hand from an earlier mishap in Algeria. Although he was killed at Camaron, he became a national hero of France and a legend of the Legion at age 35.

And his wooden hand is the most sacred relic of the Legion to this day.

I know you’re excited, but we’re only halfway done. Next time we’ll cover the Golden Age of the Legion, including the World Wars and trips to Asia and Africa.

Including the Mandingo War of 1898

Finally we’ll look at the rules of enlistment for any loungers who are interested in joining, the pomp, circumstance, and tradition of the Legion, those fabulous uniforms, and visit the world famous Axe Murderer Battalion!

Till then, hot babes.

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Military Pron - The French Foreign Legion (1 of 2)

THANK YOU!

Re: THANK YOU!

The original Beau Geste is good but I prefer the Last Remake

This reminds me of a great le Pew episode.

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