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Clemson Icon [25008]
TigerPulse: 100%
54
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Joined: 2014
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Let's blast out some 4th of July 'Dad Jokes'!
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Jul 4, 2025, 7:37 AM
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Happy Birthday, America! Here's to many more!
Nothing says 'dad joke' like a groan...so:
Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggy. (That should do it!)
Why are kitchens so good at math?
Because they have a lot of counters. (Groans reinforced!)
What do....! No...no, I can't! I just can't!
The wife and I walked into this beer joint. The bartender said, "Would you like a beer for your wife?"
I said, "That seems like a fair swap to me!" 
In closing:
G-d was nearly done creating us humans. He stood back, admiring His work, feeling pretty good about it. Still, He had two parts left, unsure who should get what...so turned to Adam and Eve.
I have two gifts left...you decide who gets what. The first is the ability to P standing up..."Me, me, me!", Adam interrupted excitedly, jumping in, arms flailing like an overexcited toddler.
"Oh, ME! Please! It sounds amazing...exactly what I want! I mean, come on, right?", he prattles on, practically begging and bouncing about.
Eve says, "If he wants it that bad, fine."
So G-d handed Adam the gift. Adam commenced to marking like a wild puppy...hitting a tree, a rock...wrote his name in the sand, and helicoptered his way into sprinkler mode. "Eve! I'm a lawn feature!", he exclaimed.
G-d and Eve just stood watching him spin about. G-d slowly shook His head and said, "I guess that leaves you with the last thing."
Eve raises an eyebrow, asking, "And what's that?
G-d smiled and handed her the gift. "Brains", He said. 
Be safe, have fun, SPF, Tiger Nation!
Message was edited by: Salty55®
Message was edited by: Salty55®
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TigerNet Elite [77323]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Let's blast out some 4th of July 'Dad Jokes'!
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Jul 4, 2025, 7:59 AM
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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"
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Ultimate Tiger [36897]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
Posts: 14743
Joined: 2014
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Re: Let's blast out some 4th of July 'Dad Jokes'!
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8
Jul 4, 2025, 7:59 AM
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WHY DID THE ICE CREAM TRUCK GET A FLAT TIRE?
BECAUSE OF THE ROCKY ROAD
IF A KING SLEEPS ON A KING MATTRESS AND A QUEEN SLEEPS ON A QUEEN MATTRESS, WHAT DOES A PRINCE SLEEP ON?
AN HEIR MATTRESS.
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Heisman Winner [84340]
TigerPulse: 100%
62
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Joined: 2015
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Help me out and add to the list
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Jul 4, 2025, 8:00 AM
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Can you guess their name?:::::
Guy with no arms and legs, laying on the beach for a tan:
Sandy
Girl with one leg shorter than the other:
Eilean
Guy helping to change a flat tire:
Jack
Guy also with no arms and legs going for a swim before he plays baseball:
Bob
What position does he play during game:
Home Plate
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Ultimate Tiger [36897]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
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Joined: 2014
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Re: Help me out and add to the list
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5
Jul 4, 2025, 8:38 AM
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the front porch?
Matt
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Ultimate Tiger [36051]
TigerPulse: 100%
56
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A guy that works out and plays basketball a lot: Jim
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Jul 4, 2025, 10:08 AM
[ in reply to Help me out and add to the list ] |
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A woman with a wooden leg: Peg
A guy that is a jerk and doesn't care: Richard Cranium
A guy who's been searching for a heart of gold and he's geettin' old: Neil Young
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TigerNet Immortal [173485]
TigerPulse: 100%
69
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Joined: 2007
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Re: Let's blast out some 4th of July 'Dad Jokes'!
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5
Jul 4, 2025, 8:35 AM
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The tradition of singing the national anthem at baseball games started with an interesting situation.
A little boy named Jose always wanted to go to the game but couldn’t afford a ticket
One day his friends stacked up some boxes outside the fence for him to look over.
Right before the game started, all his friends yelled out “José can you see? “
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Dynasty Maker [3263]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: Let's blast out some 4th of July 'Dad Jokes'!
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Jul 4, 2025, 8:38 AM
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Being I’m a nape la rouge, I can tell these ‘uns
What are a redneck’s last words?
“Hey man, watch iss”.
What’s the difference between a regular fairytale and a redneck fairytale?
A regular fairytale starts out “Once upon a time…”
A redneck fairytale starts out “You ain’t gonna believe this sh!T….”
Have a safe 4th
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Ultimate Tiger [36051]
TigerPulse: 100%
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I never thought I would need orthopedic shoes, but I stand corrected.
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Jul 4, 2025, 9:11 AM
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A man and his cross-eyed wife just got divorced. They didn’t see eye to eye and I think she was seeing someone on the side. She never saw it coming.
A kid’s dad built a great treehouse. Everyone thought he wood get board with it, but he nailed it. As far as treehouses go, this one is up there.
When I was young, we would go to the gym and "pump iron" to build muscle. Now, at my age, we call it "physical therapy".
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