Pigskin Prophet: Can the chickens get bowl eligible edition |
It’s that time of year when teams start looking ahead to the bowl season, wondering and wishing, hoping they end up somewhere sunny and warm instead of say, Detroit, or Boston. And that goes for my feathered friends in Columbia.
Yes, I’ve taken my talents to the administrative side of things – because I can spell – and I am trying to help the Gamecocks convince the bowls that they are worthy. The Gamecocks are 4-6, with wins over such solid programs as Furman, Jacksonville St., Miss St. (which just fired its coach) and the always woeful Vanderbilt. But a funny thing happened. The week before the Vanderbilt, the fans down here had convinced themselves they didn’t deserve a bowl, their coach deserved to be fired, that they might be among the worst teams in college football, and that the season was, in fact, over. But you have to remember, this is the group that convinces themselves by June every year that they will indeed win the SEC East, beat every team on their schedule, and make the College Football Playoff. Without fail. So the Gamecocks got ahead of Vanderbilt, and the Commodores did what a lot of bad teams do. They quit. And the Gamecocks won convincingly over a team that beat Alabama A&M and Hawaii early in the season and hasn’t come within two touchdowns of anyone else since. So now the Gamecocks are convinced that if they aren’t ready for the College Football Playoff – they can wait a year – they at least deserve the Cotton Bowl. So I am writing to the bowls, making sure they know what the Gamecocks can bring to their city. *We will leave the porta-potties in Columbia, and hopefully most of our students, so they don’t have to worry about carnal relations in the parking lot. *We can provide our own chicken with fire extinguishers. *We beat Miss. St. and possibly, maybe, caused them to fire their coach. Maybe. *We also have a chicken train we can bring, if requested, and drive it around on the field before the game. *We also have a miniature car driven by a live rooster. *Our coach should be out of a cast by then and loves mayonnaise. *We all leave by the third quarter so postgame traffic should be a breeze. How can they resist? FRIDAY COLORADO AT WASHINGTON ST. Old Deion, he stays in character no matter what and released a statement earlier this week that said his dog and wife were in Boulder and he would stay there. But he hasn’t won a whole lot since earlier in the season and he’s thinking about bringing in 92 new players in the spring because these players kinda stink, except his kids. But he’s gonna lose this one, too, and his dog might not be in Boulder when he gets home. WASHINGTON ST. 37, COLORADO 33 SATURDAY MICHIGAN AT MARYLAND I guess Michigan will win this game. And after a few years of epic cheating and getting caught, they are playing the victim card really well. So Michigan will win this game, and then one of the assistant coaches and the players will get on TV and tear their clothes and bawl and cry, and snot will run down their cheating little faces, and they will bemoan the fact their dear leader is innocent. MICHIGAN 35, MARYLAND 16 GEORGIA AT TENNESSEE Can the Vols do it again? Can they invite another SEC heavyweight into the fold and beat them and throw the goal posts in the river? Can they? No. This Vol team got Drinkwitzed last week by Mizzou and Georgia is finally hitting on all cylinders so plan on Josh Hapless to lose another one. Expect them to rise seven spots in rankings, however, because, you know, bowl season. GEORGIA 40, Tennessee 13 UNC AT CLEMSON North Carolina brings a high-flying offense to Clemson this weekend, but they’ve made a lot of yards against some bad defenses. Clemson’s defense isn’t bad, and Drake Maye will be running for his life. He’s still pretty good, even on the run, and this UNC is squad is dangerous, but their defense couldn’t stop Sister Sadie Mae and the Catawba Baptist Church Women’s Social, much less Phil Mafah. CLEMSON 34, UNC 27 KENTUCKY AT SOUTH CAROLINA Bowl games await. Let’s face it, this isn’t a great Kentucky team. But they are 6-1 when they run for 100 years and 0-3 when they don’t, and no one has been stopped in Columbia since William Tecumseh Sherman marched thru. Kentucky isn’t good, but neither is South Carolina, and we can say this is the Mediocre Bowl and dump some white liquid on Shane and call it a night. RIGHT? I kid. Sort of. KENTUCKY 33, SOUTH CAROLINA 30 WASHINGTON AT OREGON ST. This is a big game in the Pac-4. DJU and his guys are playing well but Washington is at another level right now. Michael Penix, the transfer from Indiana, is playing about as well as anybody in the country and even made Caleb Williams cry. This has the making of a shootout, right? But I think the Huskies are gonna kick the Beavers' Wazzou one last time. WASHINGTON 38, OREGON ST. 23
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