Pigskin Prophet: Little Jimbo vs. Nicky in a neighborhood fight edition

by Pigskin Prophet - Contributor - Fri Oct 07 12:32:03 GMT-04:00 2022

Oh, Jimbo. You’ve been asking for this whipping.

Little Jimbo Fisher, the whiny, nasally head coach of Texas A&M is like the kid you knew back in the old days in the neighborhood. He bragged about how much money his parents had, his mom’s new rack (gun rack!!), his dad’s job as the assistant to the manager at the paper company, and he was the pain in the neck that everybody wanted to beat up because he felt like he was entitled to have everyone love his opinion.

And, if you threatened to beat him up, he got so mad he would cry, and he would threaten that he was going to tell his mom and dad and Uncle John, and his dad knew the mayor. And everybody would back down, a few times, and ride away on their hand-me-down bikes while he pedaled away on his new Schwinn that he got when his dad had that indiscretion with the tennis coach.

Well, little Jimbo acts all high and mighty. And his program has plenty of money. And when he gets called out – like he did over this NIL deal with Nick Saban – he cries out loud and his nasally voice gets high-pitched and he whines and tries to make a spectacle of himself.

But remember back in the neighborhood? Eventually, someone would get tired of his nonsense and drag him off his Schwinn and beat the doo-doo ice out of him. And he’d be good for a few weeks, and nurse his bruises, but eventually he’d get back to being annoying.

Well, he’s about to get his whipping. Nick Saban has a long memory. And he will make nice and act like this is nothing personal, but he’s about to throw a potato sack over that whiny little boy and pummel him. It’s gonna be ugly. And I can’t wait to watch.

SATURDAY

TEXAS VS OKLAHOMA

This used to have a great nickname until The Offended got ahold of it, and now it’s the Red River Showdown. It’s also a must-win, of sorts, for two struggling programs. Oklahoma has lost two in a row, in ugly fashion, and the defense has been the main culprit. Is quarterback Dillon Gabriel ready to go for the Sooners? Is Quinn Ewers going to be back for Texas? No matter who plays, this is always a shootout (don’t get offended!!), and it’s always must-see TV. Except for the defensive coordinators. They might wanna look away. TEXAS 41, OU 38

FLORIDA ST. AT NC STATE

Dave “Red Solo Cup” Doeren and his pack were throttled for the most part in Death Valley last week, but they get the chance to rebound against the Seminoles this week. Even when FSU was really good, this was a tough environment for the ‘Noles, and it won’t be any different this year. Both teams already have conference losses and can’t afford another one if they want to stay in the hunt for the ACC Atlantic. So, in effect, this is an elimination game in many ways. I think the Pack rebounds at home, and the ‘Noles lose two in a row. NC STATE 30, FSU 17

SOUTH CAROLINA AT KENTUCKY

The Gamecocks and multi-interception artist Spencer Garter travel up into the country of thoroughbreds for a Bluegrass showdown. The Wildcats are a good team, not great, and would be ranked lower if they played in any other conference. They don’t pass the eye test in a lot of ways, but do have some good pieces, especially in the run game. Garter, the quarterback who transferred in from Oklahoma, also can’t pass an eye test, which is why he throws the ball to different-colored jerseys so much. The Gamecocks will keep it close, right up until the moment they don’t, and these chickens are left for dead in the horse barn. KENTUCKY 34, SOUTH CAROLINA 20

NORTH CAROLINA AT MIAMI

After looking at their fans, and stadium, and culture, I always picture Miami wearing uniforms that say “Chico’s Bail Bonds” on the back. And true to that statement, they’ve been the Bad News Bears at times this season, getting beat by Schwinn Aggie Boy, and then losing at home to MTSU. But North Carolina is absolutely horrific on defense, and they won’t have Muffy and Buffy and Chip and Charles and their charcuterie tailgate board to cheer them on this week (if they do get to the game, their cars will be towed away by Miami fans). This one will be high-scoring, and Miami gets the win simply because they are at home. CHICO’S BAIL BONDS 38, UNC 35

CLEMSON AT BOSTON COLLEGE

The Tigers travel up to the Eagle’s lair for their first chilly game of the season. Rumor has it that some of the Boston College fans will leave the hockey game, see the lights on at the stadium, and wander over hoping there is a lacrosse game in session. Instead, they will see it’s football and watch a quarter or so before heading out to argue over who gets the kids between Tom and Giselle. But they’ll miss a decent game, at least for a while. But what has kept Boston College close in recent years – the line of scrimmage – isn’t the same has it has been. KJ Henry sacks the QB three times and wears the leather helmet home. CLEMSON 41, BC 16

TEXAS A&M AT ALABAMA

Poor Little Jimbo. His team struggles to move the ball even when they’re good, but the defense shows up when it has to. The Aggies won in a thriller last season, 41-38, and then the Jimbo-Nick feud took this to a different level when the littler of the two took his whines and screams to social media. Alabama has been tested a few times this season, and this will be fun for the first 20 minutes or so. Then Nick will get tired of messing around, and he will cut the tires on the Schwinn and bend the handlebars before sending The Annoying One back to Texas. ALABAMA 38, TEXAS A&M 17