Pigskin Prophet: Whiny Buckeye fans edition

by Pigskin Prophet - Contributor - Fri Dec 11 14:52:09 GMT-04:00 2020

Ohio St. fans can finally quit complaining, at least for a few hours.

Listen, Buckeye fans are born complaining, and they have good reason to complain. Honestly, the entire state has some kind of weird inferiority complex and much of it stems from their sports teams and much of it stems from their everyday lives. We touched on these people last week, never really at home in Ohio and never really at home in Myrtle Beach as they clog up our golf courses and their refusal to learn how to drive.

They live miserable lives with their moon-faced and plump midwestern wives with their 60’s hairdos that was good enough for grandma. Then there are the Browns and the Bengals. There are 12 teams that have never won a Super Bowl, and two of them reside in the state of Ohio. Heck, the Browns have never even BEEN to the Super Bowl. Art Modell got tired of the Mistake by the Lake and moved his franchise to Baltimore and promptly won a Super Bowl. The Browns were reborn and how have a weird little quarterback and a wide receiver who likes to be pooped on. Good times in the state of Ohio.

The Cavaliers are ok, but only when LeBron James decides he wants to be there. The Indians have won two World Series – one in 1920 and one in 1948. That’s why so much attention is paid to the Buckeyes, who do have a winning tradition. And when they are denied a win for any reason – or perceived reason as is the case in the loss to Clemson last season – they get on message boards and act out.

That’s why the Big Ten had to act and change the rules to allow Ohio St. to appear in the Big Ten Championship Game. They knew that if they didn’t, Carl Yoder and all his cousins would be up in arms about how the world was out to get them and deny them their rightful place in the College Football Playoff. Honestly, the Big Ten didn’t have much choice. No one likes Ohio St. fans on a good day, what with their jorts and bulky New Balance tennis shoes, and that dislike goes up even more when they get all in their feelings. Good job, Big Ten. Now for the Playoff Committee – please seed them against Alabama. I want to see that butt whooping in real time, so all of their fans can go back to bagging groceries at the Kroger and taking the bags home for later.

Now, onto some picks. I think, cause that was quite the rant.

SATURDAY

ALABAMA AT ARKANSAS

The Crimson Tide are feasting on a pathetic SEC this season (even SEC fans have to admit this league is not very good), and while the Razorbacks have been better than expected, they are not on the level of Alabama. Arkansas has struggled to keep its offense on the field this season and is last in the league of time of possession, which means that the dynamic Alabama offense will be on the field a lot. Heaven help the Hogs, and not the wives of Ohio St. fans. ALABAMA 55, HOGS 23

WAKE FOREST AT LOUISVILLE

I am interested to see how Louisville head coach Scott Satterfield is treated Saturday. He was flirting with the Gamecocks (which is just dirty if you ask me), and then he wasn’t and assured everyone he was staying in the Columbia of Kentucky, and then he was once again flirting with the chickens, and then he wasn’t, and then he was and had to write a letter to the Louisville fans saying he was sorry for looking to trade one industrial pit for a hotter one. How will that affect this game? I am not sure, it all depends on how the Cardinal players react after almost being ditched just a few years after Bobby “Volleyball” Petrino checked out and left a very bare cupboard, almost as bare as his butt after his motorcycle accident left road rash on his posterior. Louisville will get posterior chapped again this week. WAKE FOREST 34, LOUISVILLE 31

UNC AT MIAMI

This is the premier game in the ACC this week after the league decided to protect its playoff chances by giving both Clemson and Notre Dame the week off. Listen, these Heels can score on anybody, while Miami has had trouble scoring on good defenses. This North Carolina defense is not good. In fact, they stink. So this will be a high-scoring affair, and the team that has the ball last will win the game. I don’t trust the Heels defense, but in an emotionally charged game, I don’t trust the Canes to not do something stupid and pick up multiple personal foul penalties. That will be the difference, and the Heels wind up as the third best team in the league. UNC 38, MIAMI 37

DUKE AT FLORIDA ST.

Honestly, I was scared to add this game to the list. Florida St. might play. They might not. Someone might get a hangnail the night before and the whole shebang will be called off. Maybe Duke will get FSU get to the stadium and call it off, with Mike Shashefski screaming at the buses from Cameron Indoor Stadium. Maybe it will be played. If it is, all I have to say is this…Duke is really bad. Florida St. is really bad. Duke is worse. FSU 33, DUKE 30

TENNESSEE AT VANDERBILT

Hahahahahahahaha. Who cares.

LSU AT FLORIDA

Florida QB Kyle Trask is another player who has feasted on some really bad teams in the SEC, and he gets another chance to fling the ball around on the Tigers. LSU is historically bad, and with three wins, decided to give themselves a bowl ban this season. Look at it this way LSU fans, this is a final chance to see a whole lot of pretty good players in their final action in an LSU uniform before they transfer out in January, knowing that more sanctions are coming. Ed Orgeron will try to talk them out of it, but they won’t understand a word he says. FLORIDA 44, LSU 20