Why not? A prediction for USuC 2005 football

Jul 26, 2005, 1:53 PM

Central Florida:
1st game of the year, first game on ESPN, Sports Center is there, 80,ooo+ Gamecock fans are screaming as 2001 plays and the Coots come out of the tunnel. By the time the fire extinguisher dust settles, every one will look toward the bench for Stevo the Buttholo to call his 1st play. The old ball sack will look across the green grass and wonder what Iron he should use for his 2nd shot on the 5th hole at Augusta. What? That’s right. Steve will have already forgotten that he is the head coach at USuC and he will probably miss the 1st game. By the time the gun sounds for the game to start, Steve will be half way through the 1st nine. It is Central Florida though, so USuC keeps it close. 17-10 UCF wins.

UGA:
It will be raining in Augusta so the Old Ball Sack will be at the game for this one. UGA is in a down year and Stevo is a master of the forward pass. Steveo pulls out a miracle game plane and the Coots score 3 points. 42-3 UGA.

Alabama:
The Coots ran it up on Bama last year This time the head coach has learned not to let his trash talking 2nd string QB throw the ball over and over again. NO 17 Alabama INTs. Bama keeps it on the ground and Stevo throws his 1st temper tantrum. 35-7 Bama.

Troy:
After going 0-3, the Coots see Troy coming and 80,000+ fans storm the cockroach. The Old Ball Sack’s QB gets over confident and throws 2 INTs. Troy gets lucky and manages to score 3 TD’s in the 1st half. As a force of habit, all the Coots leave in the 3rd qrt when the score is 24-21 USuC. With out 80,000 morons yelling at them, the Coots lose hope and Troy pulls out the upset. 27-24 Troy.

Auburn:
Tigers vs Coots? Really, is there any question? The only real question is what excuses the Coots will come up with to explain this one. Cell Phones? Push Offs? 63-17 Auburn

Kentucky:
Sloppy game on both parts. 420 fumbles, 123 INTs total in this game. Stevo gets distracted by a camera in the 4th qrt and loses the ball on 4th down when he forgets to call a play. Kentucky wins in a last second field goal. 3-0 Kentucky.

Vanderbilt:
Last year Vanderbilt was supposed to compete with USuC. The Coots kicked them all over the field and should do the same this game. However, Steve gets a call from Lou and they both decide to hit the night club late Friday. They find out it is naked dude night and end up taking 2 guys home. After 17 hours of sick Cock-orgy, Lou and Stevo pass out and do not wake up in time for the game. No coach, morons on the field, Vanderbilt wins this one. 14-3 Vanderbilt.

Tennessee:
Phat Phil has all his cheating cards in play. He remembers all the Stevo #### wippins he has taken over the years and gets his team fired up for this one. Stevo comes out walking funny from the previous week’s night time activities. After UT opens a can of woop ###, Phat Phil goes and tries to hand some of the Coot players money to transfer. He then rats out Vanderbilt to keep the NCAA off him. 56-0 UT.

Florida:
Urban > Stevo. New Florida > old Florida. After rolling through the SEC, Florida does not even let USuC slow them down. After the game, 4 semi trucks pull onto the field and dump all of Stevo’s crap he left at Florida when he bolted. Consequently, the few Florida fans at the game rip down all the plaques and trophies the Coots have “claimed” from them. The statue of Emmit Smith is melted down. 142-0 Florida.

Clemson
USuC is 0-10 and this is a rivalry game. They will want to avenge their last 2 butt wippins. They plead for the old Stevo to show up and coach them to a tremendous victory. Their players are fired up and 80,000+ fans pack HillBilly Brice. However, it is Clemson vs USuC and the outcome is the same. 1 word…… DOMINATION……… that is spelled with 1 D, 2 O’s, and over a hundred years of #### kickins. Different coach, different year, same result. 35-0 Clemson.

##### 0-11 and still a joke in Div 1 A football.

There you have it. That is a completely objective and professional prediction of USuC’s year. I have absolutely no bias and of course I am not being a dumb ####.

Declaimer:
I have absolutely zero confidence in this prediction. I will not take any bets and I will not support these predictions if they turn out wrong. I will deny ever posting them and if you try to say something about it, I will have the moderator ban you. In short, I will pull a Gamecock.

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Geville Tiger on Clemson football , "Dabo's only problem is he has to deal with turd fans questioning every move he makes.”

Why not? A prediction for USuC 2005 football

Dean on, you're a genius***

Becuase its not realistic...We are not idiotic coots....

Spurrier!***

no way in helll

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