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All-In [35206]
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How about a few jokes while we wait on the decision
Jan 15, 2014, 4:32 PM
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Steve Spurrier, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around when they came to a modest little house with a faded Gamecocks flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity," said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here."
The coach felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion that had a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Clemson Tigers flag, and in every window was the Clemson logo.
The coach looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I tried to be a nice fella, maybe I ran my mouth a bit at times but...''
God said, "So, what's your question?"
"Well," said the coach, "why does Danny Ford get a better house than me?"
God responded, "That's not Danny Ford's house, it's mine."
One foggy night, a Clemson fan and a Coot fan were driving the opposite directions. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Coot manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car, spat on the ground and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The sc fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Gamecock fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Gamecock fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After chugging down half of the bottle, the Gamecock fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
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Orange Blooded [2762]
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Hall of Famer [21594]
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Re: Heres one of my favs since you dug deep in the archives
Jan 15, 2014, 4:44 PM
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"Fred Coon...I mean Cone"
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Orange Blooded [2762]
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So wrong...so wrong. Though Fla could learn from this one***
Jan 15, 2014, 4:48 PM
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Oculus Spirit [94205]
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A penguin pulls into a full service filling station...
Jan 15, 2014, 5:03 PM
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after just leaving the ice cream place and asked for a fillup. "Yeah, filler up and check the oil, please."
The attendant returns to the window and says, "You're a quart low on oil and it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "Nah, I just had an ice cream."
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All-In [35206]
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Re: A penguin pulls into a full service filling station...
Jan 15, 2014, 5:40 PM
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That's a great one! I have a few more along those lines but I guess I'd have to post em in the lounge.
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Orange Blooded [2245]
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Re: How about a few jokes while we wait on the decision
Jan 15, 2014, 5:17 PM
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Fantastic ! LMAO
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All-Pro [660]
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Re: How about a few jokes while we wait on the decision
Jan 15, 2014, 6:28 PM
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A SC fan was visiting the state fair and walking through the livestock section when he sees an Clemson man he knows that is there showing his prized bull. So the Gamecock starts talking to the Tiger, thinking he'll be able to get some good stories to tell his fellow ##### back in town about the upstate county boys.
They start talking about the prized bull, and the Tiger man starts telling him about how the bull has won all these awards, but that the bull does have this one flaw -- sometimes his eyes will just cross for no reason, and it has almost costed him first prize several times.
About that time, the two of them notice the judges on their way, and the Tiger man gives his bull one last look, and sure enough -- the bull's eyes are crossed. He starts to panic, and asks the Gamecock for a little help.
The Gamecock is loving this. What a great story he's going to have about the taters.
He tells the Gamecock to just stand in front of the bull, and watch the bull's eyes. The Tiger man goes around to the back of the bull, lift up the bull's tail, takes a pipe and sticks it up the bull's butt. The Gamecock is watching all of this thinking he is going to have one great story to tell.
The Tiger man tells the Gamecock he's going to blow in the pipe to uncross the bull's eyes, and for the Gamecock to yell when they uncross. The Gamecock is about to die laughing.
So the Tiger starts blowing as hard as he can on the pipe. He tries and tried, but the eyes never uncross, and the judges are getting closer. Finally he's just out of breath and gives up.
The Gamecock was having so much fun getting the goods on the Tiger, that he just couldn't let the story end here. So he says "switch places with me" and I'll get those eyes uncrosses - after all, Gamecocks are known to be full of hot air. So they switch places.
When the Tiger gets to the front of the bull, he looks around at the back and sees the Gamecock pulling the pipe out of the bull's butt.
"What the heck are you doing?" he yells. "I thought you were going to help me!"
The Gamecock replies: "Well you don't think I'm going to blow on the same end that you did, do you?"
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Orange Blooded [2762]
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All-In [35206]
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Re: Here's an oldie from your Atl tho bigtime UGA fan
Jan 15, 2014, 6:40 PM
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Thats some good stuff!
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Orange Blooded [2762]
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Grizzard n Clower are old skool, but funny sho nuff***
Jan 15, 2014, 6:42 PM
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All-In [35206]
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Hall of Famer [22361]
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Gamecock Football Tradition***
Jan 15, 2014, 7:08 PM
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110%er [7010]
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Golf Story
Jan 16, 2014, 11:34 AM
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Husband and wife were playing a round together. They come up to a par 4 dogleg left with a maintenance barn sitting in the inside of the dogleg. Husband pull hooks tee shot into the left rough and is blocked out by the barn.
His wife plays and hits a good tee shot into the middle of the fairway. The husband begins to contemplate laying up.
His lovely wife walks over, apprises the situation and says,
"If you open up the doors on each side of the barn, you could hit a knock down three iron through there and get on the green". The hubby agrees, pulls out the tree, and lashes the ball from the rough.
Unfortunately, he has hit a flier. It comes out hot and high, strikes the barn door facing and rebounds backward, striking his wife square between the eyes, killing her instantly!
Poor guy says he will never play again. About six months later, he decides he has to get out of the house. He goes to the club and is paired with a new member.
They come to the same hole--the dog-leg-- and the widower hits the exact same tee shot he did the day his wife died.
The new member says, "If you hit through the barn doors, you might be able to get up-and-down and save par."
The widower says, "No way an I gonna do that!" The member asks why.
The widower replies, "last time I tried that, I made a Seven!"
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