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Replies: 8
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CU Medallion [20537]
TigerPulse: 100%
52
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It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 8:56 AM
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Not as slow as yesterday, but...still slow.
The circle of life:
When I was a kid my bed time was 9PM. I couldn't wait to grow up and go to bed whenever I wanted.
Turns out it was 9PM after all! 
If you get an email with the subject, "Knock, knock", don't open it. It's a Jehovah's Witness working from home!
Alright, I never called you stupid. But when I asked you to spell 'Orange' and you asked me the fruit or the color...well...it kinda caught me off guard.
Happy Monday...and T's and P's for Tiger brethren affected by the floods.
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TigerNet Elite [69382]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 8:57 AM
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A newlywed couple meets with the pastor of a church they're interested in joining. After talking with him for a while, the pastor says, "I would love to have you two as members of my church, but there is something I must ask of you before you can join. You have to abstain from sex for two weeks." The couple agrees to these terms, and two weeks later they are meeting with the pastor again. "So how did it go?" he asks them. "Well, we almost made it the full two weeks," the husband answers.
"But yesterday she bent down to pick up a package of frozen vegetables and I was overcome with desire. I just couldn't help myself." The pastor pauses for a moment, then says, "Well I'm sorry, but you are not welcome in my church."
"I understand," says the husband. "We're not welcome in Safeway anymore either."
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Top TigerNet [32068]
TigerPulse: 100%
55
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 9:01 AM
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What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
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Rival Killer [3066]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 9:02 AM
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why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they are extinct! :0)
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [99281]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
Posts: 26025
Joined: 2006
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lol***
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Apr 7, 2025, 9:04 AM
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Top TigerNet [32806]
TigerPulse: 100%
55
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 9:52 AM
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A Polish man marries an American girl and though his English isn't very good, they get along well. But one day he rushes into a lawyer's office and asks him to arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer says getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asks him some questions.
Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Polish man: Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.
Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Polish man: It's made of concrete.
Lawyer: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a grudge?
Polish man: No, we have a carport.
Lawyer: I mean, what are your relations like?
Polish man: All my relations are still in Poland.
Lawyer: Is there any infedelity in your marriage?
Polish man: We have High-fidelity stereo and DVD player.
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?
Polish man: No, I'm always up before her.
Lawyer: Then why do you want a divorce?
Polish man: She's going to kill me. I've got proof.
Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Polish man: She buy a bottle at drugstore and put it in bathroom shelf. I read English pretty good and it say... Polish Remover.
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Top TigerNet [32336]
TigerPulse: 100%
55
Posts: 14032
Joined: 2014
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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Apr 7, 2025, 10:00 AM
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Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.
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TigerNet Immortal [166072]
TigerPulse: 100%
69
Posts: 46954
Joined: 2007
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Never vacuum pantless
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Apr 7, 2025, 10:14 AM
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I tried and now both the Dyson and me are bagless.
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Orange Phenom [15012]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Re: It's a slow Monday 'Dad joke' kinda day...
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9
Apr 7, 2025, 11:10 AM
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I had a joke about boxing, but I forgot the punchline.
What do you call a Mexican spy? GarCIA.
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