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Orange Blooded [3166]
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It's time for our annual tradition (Important)
Jan 4, 2019, 1:57 PM
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So... in Dec 2016/Jan2017, I decided that DW4 and BB10's greatness (while incredible) would not tip the scales alone, and that we needed to make a great sacrifice before the football gods to tilt destiny in our favor against the Crimson Tide. I posted the most embarassing story I remembered from my life, and dozens of you wonderful gentlemen (and I think even OSF or Chick) joined me. I firmly believe it was our collective shame that fell into the hands of Hunter Renfrow in the right front corner of that endzone and the release of years of holding back those stories that fueled our victory.
Last season, I forgot to rekindle this tradition until the day of the Sugar Bowl (which was on a non-work day), and we didn't get as much participation, which clearly had more to do with our shortcomings than the offensive line or KB2's noodle arm and inability to read defenses.
All that said- we have the full weekend ahead of us, and all day while we get paid to post and pewp on Monday, so it's time to cleanse your guilt and shame chamber and drop those stories that you never thought anyone would know. Place them on the altar in front of judging eyes! Wear them before the masses like a scarlet letter. Throw them down like our national title hopes depend on it, because I believe that they do. Tell your worst, Jounge, and don't disappoint.
GO!
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CU Medallion [59293]
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ummmmm you go first...***
Jan 4, 2019, 1:59 PM
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Orange Blooded [3166]
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indeed
Jan 4, 2019, 2:01 PM
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another ICTale is forthcoming...
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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I'll go first...
Jan 4, 2019, 2:06 PM
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Years ago when I was taking a class on special ed getting my teaching degree I met this greek girl who was pretty effing hawt. I had the tards in my class make me a poster my last day where they all wrote notes and stuff and hung it on my wall because chicks ate that chit up. She thought it was so cool that I helped special kids and wouldn't shut up about it. I could tell that English wasn't her first language and figured in Greece they made kids work in factories that were tards. Anyway, one night she came over to bang for the first time and we were talking and she said it was so cool that I taught tards because she was special ed in school and special ed helped her graduate and she said she wouldn't have gotten her job (hostess at chili's) without their help. Turns out English was her first language. It wasn't a language barrier, it was a #### barrier.
Long story short, it was pretty good poon, I pulled out super early and never called her again.
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CU Medallion [59293]
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shamed to admit, this made me lol***
Jan 4, 2019, 2:13 PM
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All-TigerNet [13764]
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Not where I thought the "greek girl" story was going but ok***
Jan 7, 2019, 1:49 PM
[ in reply to I'll go first... ] |
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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I did try the pooper
Jan 7, 2019, 1:50 PM
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to prevent #### preggers, but she stopped me.
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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Looks like this is what did it***
Jan 11, 2019, 11:39 AM
[ in reply to I'll go first... ] |
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CU Medallion [54284]
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Here’s my confession:
Jan 4, 2019, 2:09 PM
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I’m McLovin’s sister.
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All-In [40674]
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Ill go
Jan 4, 2019, 2:23 PM
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My junior year of high school, I was dating this chick that I ended up dating throughout the rest of my time in high school. It was a Friday night in November, and I took her out for her birthday. We went to a hibachi place. Very much like everyone else, japanese can really do work on your stomach. I didnt make any plans after that except to go home and watch a movie and blow her back out on my parents couch.
Well on the way home, we were driving past a different high school that our school happened to be playing that night. So, girlfriend begged to go to the game. We went. About midway through the second quarter, the japanese made its comeback. Being on the visitor side, there was no bathroom, only a single portajohn next to the stands. There was a line of 4-5 people, but I knew I simply could not hold this explosion down much longer. So I clenched as hard as I could and waddled to the home side.
Sweating profusely, I made it almost halfway around the track before I knew that I had maybe 30 seconds to make it to the bathroom before I started leaking from my #######. I broke into the fastest run I could while still clenching my cheeks. I made it maybe 10 yards from the bathroom before all hell broke loose.
I #### my pants. I #### a lot. I was simultaneously waddle running and ########. I made it to the bathroom, slammed the stall door shut and ripped my pants to my ankles with my #### filled boxer briefs that managed to hold the #### in like a sippy cup. I continued to blow ### into the toilet for a few minutes before attempting to empty the contents of my boxer briefs into the toilet. Not only as there so much ####, I had used so much toilet paper to clean up the ###### mess on my ### that the toilet clogged.
It was at this point I abandoned everything and went into survival mode. I threw my #### filled boxer briefs into the corner of the stall, busted out of the #### hole I had created, washed my hands and my arms as well as I could. Ran back to the visiting side just in time for halftime and got my girlfriend out of there as soon as I could.
I don't remember if we did anything else that night as I was terrified and humiliated of what happened, but I will never forget the feels I had on that long walk to the bathroom. I now use that feeling I had that night as my limit to what I know I can hold going forward.
Her and I did not work out after I left for State. She was the first girl that let me SIIHB (as a way to preserve her virginity). We ###### on and off throughout my tenure at NC State and I even banged her little in her sorority. Im not saying this episode made me the man I am today and shaped my future, but I will admit this is the most humiliation I have ever felt.
Glory to Hunter Renfrow.
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CU Medallion [59293]
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the "first" to let you...
Jan 4, 2019, 2:30 PM
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so there have been more?
A real brown holer you are.
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All-In [40674]
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2 since
Jan 4, 2019, 2:34 PM
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Couple other fingerlings since. Started eating out this girls brownhole one time and she let it go on awhile before she got embarrassed and said "are you licking my ###?"
She knew the whole time and she liked it.
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Oculus Spirit [79771]
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If I had a nickel for everytime I had to toss my underwear***
Jan 4, 2019, 3:35 PM
[ in reply to Ill go ] |
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CU Medallion [54841]
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The story I'd be willing to provide is very close to this
Jan 7, 2019, 4:39 PM
[ in reply to Ill go ] |
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but instead of a sportsball game @ a rival high school, it was in the back of a 10-12 person van, driving through the desert of Texas, 2 hours from any gas-station plumbing (or natural concealment for that matter, because desert).
Was on a week-long 1st year Grad School Architecture Studio trip to Marfa Texas. I knew a couple people from undergrad (including the newly wifed SheGUAR), but most of the witnesses were new acquaintances. We had a big 'last-night-in-town' throwdown - I went to bed around 4am, but not until after gorging (like I've never eaten before, and haven't since) on a varied assortment of grilled meats, a @Lakebum1®-esque amount of domestic lite beers, plus a more-than-ever-EVER-necessary-amount of corn on the cob, chili, homemade guac and chips, etc....
Got up around 5:30am to leave town, feeling fine.
Around 6:30am, 30 minutes into the van ride, still drunk. All of a sudden, I had debilitating meat sweats x 100, paired with hangover/still drunk shakes, and violent tummy grumbles (that's not strong enough of a description - imagine the little alien from Alien, trying to bloodily emerge from my chest cavity, but it got lost somewhere and saw a glimpse of daylight through my bwhole)
Most people were asleep when this started, but that didn't last long. I asked my professor (a young(ish) female if/where we'd be able to stop for a rest-stop. She looked at her husband (another arch professor, who was actually familiar with that area and stretch of road) and asked him. But he confirmed what I'd already inferred from the look on her face. Nothing for a tad less than 2 hours.
She asked if it was cool if they just pulled over, to which I responded "It's not that kind of bathroom stop". The pain & pressure was intensifying, with brief (but increasingly less frequent) respites of relief. Of course, each wave was worse than the preceding.
Everyone knows that a bad pothole or swerve spells
Knowing my time was running out, I was concocting scenarios in which I'd use the back door(s) of the van to somehow shield a juicy roadside BM that'd rival that scene in Dumb & Dumber, a legit "number 3" if there ever was one. Keep in mind, this is the desert - ZERO vegetation capable of hiding behind. I'd then have use my clothing (shirt & socks) to wipe, and hope that it was enough. Once we got to Midland/Odessa airport, I'd unpack some dirty beer/food stained clothes to wear on the plane back.
It got to the point that I determined that THIS was the best and only path forward, one that I was just about to initiate, when a gas station appears in the distance.
We pull in, I JUMP (risky, I know) out and run (risky, I know) inside, and ask the cashier where the bathroom was mid-stride. He pointed in a direction almost opposite of my inertia. I stopped short, turned, and went to dart off in that direction.
That's when IT happened. ####### 15 feet away from a much happier ending.
Not knowing how bad the damage was, I bust into the men's room, not knowing if it was an occupied single-holer or what. Luckily it wasn't. Unluckily for the small messican that was about the exit the bathroom, I was bigger, had momentum on my side backed with ph34r and embarassment.
"Door meet Messican, Messican meet wall" No time to apologize. He knew what was up.
Only one stall. No one was in it, luckily (for them), or else there'd be much more to this already long story. Obviously, I didn't waste time with a toilet paper seat liner or assgasket. Who knows what i sat in...not that I've got any room to judge in this case.
Again, luck was on my side in a ###### situation, pun definitely intended...The damage was relatively minimal. My boxers had to be disposed of, which was easy enough wearing shorts and flip-flops. However, they didn't contain everything, and I fo'sho couldn't ditch my shorts. My (cargo) shorts were a light tan color, and there some evidence had seeped through the boxers and had shown through the shorts after cleaning out what i could.
This is when I decided to clean them with the toilet water (after several flushes, of course - I'm not an animal), and then dry them the best I could with more toilet paper.
This was enough to do the trick, and hide this mishap from my classmates, as well as SheGUAR...or at least they never let on that they knew any better.
TLDR: We gon' win this ##### tonight
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CU Medallion [59293]
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BTW, APM will sit in judgment of these until he contributes
Jan 4, 2019, 2:32 PM
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his.
And I guarantee you:
1) Ima win
2) It will forever disprove the "APM is a UGA fan" narrative.
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110%er [9879]
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First company trip I ever went on...
Jan 4, 2019, 2:49 PM
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...instead of bonuses we got an annual company trip to somewhere nice. This year, it was in the Carribean. I was fresh out of college. I was going through some depression what with living with my parents and working a 30k/year job. Reality had hit me hard.
Started drinking at the airport at 7am. Makers Mark with a twist.
...10 hours later....
Night 1:
Passed out at group dinner with my fork in my hand.
I tried to fight the bouncer who wouldn't let me in the casino because I was so ratchet. Bought a cigar and smoked it after having gone a year without nicotine.
I passed out in a high-traffic area outside of the bar.
Woke up at 1 a.m. and went back to the room to sleep. Woke up again to my suitemate yelling at me for getting up in the middle of the night, whipping out my ###### and and peeing on his bed.
Night 2:
Scored some blow from the cigar shop in hopes of staving off the hangover. Bought a bottle of Johnny Walker from a beverage cart and walked around with it at the resort half the day.
I got so drunk and hopped up on cocaine that I tried to fight the CEO of this 500-person company in the bathroom.
I tried to dry hump a married high-level VP chick on the dance floor in front of basically the whole company.
Once I knew that i was probably gonna be no longer welcome at the company and alienating even my closest coworkers, I tried to convince everyone that I owned an internet startup and only had this job because my parents made me.
.....
It took almost 10 years to recover from that little bender.
Why they let me on the plane back home I'll never know. They politely asked me to leave the following Monday.
I told my girlfriend about how guilty I felt about all that when I got back home, and we promptly broke up afterward...my ongoing substance abuse, namely drinking and cocaine being the discriminating factor.
Yall thought tentdweller was bad. TentDweller was 10x the human being that I was at that time. That company trip was my Alamo at the time.
I still cringe when I think about it, and wish I could say that 1 part of this story was embellished.
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CU Medallion [70720]
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Here we go
Jan 4, 2019, 3:03 PM
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When I was 12 I got the call to start the semi-final game of our district all-star tournament. I had an extremely advanced idea of pitch sequencing and changing speeds and had pinpoint control but I just didn't throw that hard. I was warming up in the top of the first and as soon as I threw my first warmup pitch everyone on the other team started to hoot and holler yelling "YEAH" and celebrating because of how moderately slow I was throwing. Even the coaches were taunting me like Tommy from Karate Kid. I couldn't believe it. I knew I didn't throw as hard as some other kids my age but they really went above and beyond in their celebration and the game hadn't even started yet.
By the time I'd finished my 8 warmup tosses I was pissed. I had already decided I was drilling the first batter and then we would see how excited everyone else would be to face me after seeing their teammate get earholed. So, imagine my surprise when their leadoff hitter turned out to be a girl. I was raised to be a gentleman but I was also raised to be a winner and I knew I needed to assert my dominance early, so I went ahead and drilled her. In my defense, I was expecting her to roll her shoulder and duck and it would end up hitting her in the helmet but she just froze and ended up taking it right in the neck. Everyone fell silent and all you could hear for a few seconds was her grunting and wheezing like Helen ####### Keller while I just stood there looking annoyed and waiting for her coaches to collect her heap of a body. Message received loud and clear. There were a few times kids got a little too comfortable and I didn't like their swing so I had to waste one over their head but for the most part it was smooth sailing and ended in a complete game shutout.
You may be asking yourself if I ever feel guilty, and my answer is a resounding 'no', because it turned out the girl I hit was Abby Wambach, so I'd like to think the fact I showed her no mercy brought her firmly into the real world and helped motivate and prepare her for everything she would accomplish down the line.
OK, that part's a lie..
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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If you were a real man
Jan 4, 2019, 3:13 PM
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You would have effed her when she was unconscious. That would have showed them not to mess with you.
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CU Medallion [59293]
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so, she caught the ghey thanks to you?
Jan 4, 2019, 3:15 PM
[ in reply to Here we go ] |
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kewl.
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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Y'all ever seen Hope Solo's ######
Jan 4, 2019, 3:17 PM
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Kinda groce and roast beefy for a lezbo. What's up with that?
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CU Medallion [59293]
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Hope ain't a lezzer. In fact, she likes her some abusive
Jan 4, 2019, 3:36 PM
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dark meat.
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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That answers the kweshun then***
Jan 4, 2019, 3:38 PM
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110%er [9879]
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Re: Here we go
Jan 4, 2019, 4:05 PM
[ in reply to Here we go ] |
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as soon as I threw my first warmup pitch everyone on the other team started to hoot and holler yelling "YEAH" and celebrating because of how moderately slow I was throwing.
This took me back to 10th grade.
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All-TigerNet [11861]
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Welp...
Jan 4, 2019, 3:48 PM
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Freshman yr of high school.
Went to Panama City, like every other metro Atlanta kid.
One of my good friends brought a girl back to our hotel room. Then he went back out to the beach to get our stuff and other friends.
I was 7Spots hammered.
I started to talk to her while my other friends were out.
We were making out and then went in to the bathroom.
At this point I convinced her that my friend was gay and she should blow me.
She obliged. Afterwards she left.
My friend came back and I told her the girl left right after he did.
I completely stole his action for the night and lied about it.
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All-In [49734]
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Why should you be ashamed?
Jan 4, 2019, 3:51 PM
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he should be ashamed. Anyone who leaves a chick he just picked up in the room with his buddy is an idiot. Hell, he might actually be gay and just afraid of her finding out.
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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Did he give you a handy later?
Jan 4, 2019, 3:59 PM
[ in reply to Welp... ] |
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Bc that still wouldn't make him ghey
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Oculus Spirit [95616]
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I'm mentally ill, bad crazy, bad...
Jan 4, 2019, 3:58 PM
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and that doesn't embarrass me.
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All-In [36451]
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I had an date with a girl I got from the meetup section on Craigslist
Jan 4, 2019, 3:59 PM
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We went back and forth texting for a few days and she sent me pics of herself. She was cute and a little overweight but definitely doable. So I asked her out on a date.
When she got there, she texted me to promise I wouldn’t leave when I saw her, so I promised.... she was a big girl, the pictures she sent must have been very old. But as I promised I still bought her dinner and drinks.
Afterward she asked if we could go back to my place for sext, and I really wasn’t attracted to her at all, but I was intoxicated at that point and figured wth, big girls need love too. So I went back and banged her, she was super tight bc prob no action for a while, and she was good a sucking D, prob bc as a fat girl most the time guys just ask her to suck it.
She left after and then texted me a few days later, I blocked her number and didn’t respond. I’m not into BBW at all and actually prefer my woman very petite and skinny.
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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Do you still have her number?
Jan 4, 2019, 4:00 PM
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Just wondering.
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Oculus Spirit [95616]
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Dood,
Jan 4, 2019, 4:09 PM
[ in reply to I had an date with a girl I got from the meetup section on Craigslist ] |
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in high school I dated my best friend's cousin. She was a big girl. I never seriously tried to tap it because I had learned that was the quickest way to end a friendship with a girl if one developed. I never let her know why I gave up trying to tap it so easily either.
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Heisman Winner [142451]
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OK, here goes:
Jan 4, 2019, 4:13 PM
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I change the 32 waist on the label to a 31 on all my jeans. So, you know. That's it.
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All-In [40710]
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man yall are some crazy mfer's
Jan 4, 2019, 4:57 PM
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i was at a party at house on pine street. i lived right behind hardee's i felt a rumbling that i knew i needed to get home for. i disappeared like a thief in the night and waddled all the way home. downstairs had no tp, so i continued waddling upstairs i got to the bathroom pants down and exploded on my way to sit down. chocolate bomb all over the floor, toilet and bathmat i managed to clean myself and the murder scene and made it back to the party with no one the wiser
not too terrible, but i have never told anyone before now.
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Legend [17481]
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After some of these...
Jan 4, 2019, 11:53 PM
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We should have this ###### in the bag.
GO TIGERS!!!!!
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CU Medallion [70720]
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a sage observation
Jan 11, 2019, 1:19 PM
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Mr. gorillawalk
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All-TigerNet [11381]
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Re: While living in Norris Hall, Room 315
Jan 5, 2019, 9:51 AM
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Bunch of homies came up for game and or party or both. So we did. Picked up some crazy ##### chick drinking wine at hall party. Got late, or early, depending on your lifestyle. We all piled back to ole 315 and continued the party. Me, roomy, her, and three homies on the floor getting loopy. Everyone teetering on edge of consciousness when she proceeds to get topless on top of me in my bed. Things progress rapidly to giving ole cuz head for a while before getting her itch scratched all the while the rest of the room is trying to suppress the giggles and me trying to maintain consciousness. The stank was more like an ammonia capsule under the nose. Don't think I ever saw her again but i sure saw my homies again and again. The stories (legend) grew over the years and I had to make numerous creative exits if I ever ran across one if I was in mixed company because being homies there is nothing more fun than embarrassing one another at every opportunity. Thankfully, I rarely see any of them anymore because I'm sure they haven't forgotten. Probably not my most embarrassing but it ranks.
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Hall of Famer [23793]
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Well, here goes.
Jan 5, 2019, 9:52 AM
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I have lived the most boringest existence on the planet.
That, is MY particular shame.
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Recruit [86]
TigerPulse: 92%
Posts: 35
Joined: 11/30/98
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I just crapped my pants not 10 minutes ago.
Jan 5, 2019, 11:05 AM
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Was just talking on the phone sitting on my recliner and coughed. Shot right into my britches.
I guess it’s not really as embarrassing as it is personally defeating. I thought I was past this ####.
Hope that appeases the gods.
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CU Medallion [54841]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 52843
Joined: 10/1/03
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past it??
Jan 7, 2019, 2:03 PM
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you're just starting round 2
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Oculus Spirit [95616]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 96141
Joined: 12/25/09
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OK, the mind is the second thing to go.
Jan 5, 2019, 3:15 PM
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I remembered my most embarrassing moment. Back in the 1970s I lived in Chatt and worked for Combustion Engineering. My FNL who owned a GM dealership in Harriman, TN sold me a beautiful 1964 Olds Cutlass, one of the nice ones.
We drove from home to Roane Co to visit and the Olds was due an oil change, filters, plugs, points and a good cleaning and waxing. Of course you do the wrenching before you do the cleaning and all this was half a day to a good man, right?
I raised the hood and snatched all the plug wires off to get them out of the way. I set up 8 autolite plugs and a set the gap on the Echlin points from NAPA with nothing but a feeler gauge and screw driver.
It took all of 15 minutes to change the plugs, points, condenser, rotor button and distributor cap. 18436572 was the firing order on every 8 cyl GM gas engine on the market back then. Prob still is. The wires went back on nearly as quickly as they came off.
A crowd had gathered in the neighborhood to watch a real mechanic work. I turned heads because of the 13 sec 67 Chevy II I owned. I reached through the window and turned the key. It fired right up but popped back through the carb and belched raw gas from the exhaust. I shut it off and started trouble shooting.
Before I gave up I'd redone all the work I'd done and started exploring things which make an engine raise so much hale. Before it was over I removed the distributor, #1 cyl spark plug and rotated the engine to TDC to make sure the cam, rotor button and timing chain were in the right place. I stuck a piece of coat hanger in the spark plug hole and bumped my remote starter button to get the piston up. I did it three times thinking perhaps I'd put the distributor 180 degrees out when I installed it the second time.
People started thinning out and everyone had moved on when I declared that I couldn't figure it out. I washed up a bit and called two uncles, several cousins then finally my BNL who taught me everything I knew about cars. He immediately asked if I knew the OLDs engine rotated counterclockwise. You see, the GM engines rotate clockwise except for the Olds. What that means is looking at the engine from the front on all 8 cyl GMs it turns CW and looking down on the rotor button it's CW.
CCW means, you get it, bassackward, the ignition tune up I'd done was precisely, perfectly wrong. Wrong to the max, as bad as it gets.
This wasn't your 'OH No, I crapped my pants,' or 'I woke up in a cheap motel with a fat hooker,' type embarrassment. Most of my family was there, half my sister's neighborhood was there and worst of all I had to call my mentor for help and it turned out to be my ignorance was the problem.
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Orange Blooded [3166]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1132
Joined: 10/10/14
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bump before I begin typing my contribution...
Jan 7, 2019, 1:44 PM
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offer up your sacrifices!!!
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Orange Blooded [3166]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1132
Joined: 10/10/14
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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Jan 7, 2019, 3:05 PM
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we're gonna assrape bama tonight, so confess I must.
Let me start by saying, now that I'm getting older, and married, and have a kid, and I've been on Tnet for like 15 years, I'm making less stories and running out of the old memories to share. That being said, I'll bring up a few past highlights that I have offered up before I tell a new tale-
1) The roommate's gf who pooped the largest swirled turd in human history in the middle of the living room after a night of drinking and me banging her while roommate barfed his guts up
2) The time I got revenge on my friend by skunking his dodge intrepid by giving an obed chick buttsegs in the backseat while she was on the rag
3) The time I was so hungover I left the church stage during the sermon with the shats and vomited my guts up in the church bathroom in front of a 6 year old while I was playing the drums for the church just to impress the choir girl (and bang it out with her that night)
4) The 2007 VT game when I headbutted a guy in the student section and broke his nose, then snuck out and banged it out with a CU student in the girls only dorms up Ft. Hill Street (can't remember the name of those dorms) with the guy's blood still on my shirt.
5) Bangin it out with my prom date's mom (still love you, Ms. N____an)
6) Take your pick of the stories of ICT's great uncle...
Today's sacrifice, much like those before, is absolutely, 100% truth. However, today's story, unlike the others, I actually do feel guilt and remorse for.
My father is the oldest in his family, and his younger brother (my uncle) is 14 years younger than him. My dad was 20 when I was born, so my uncle is only 6 years older than me, and he is very immature for his age (still to this day). My parents built a house next door to my grandparents, so we all spent alot of time together growing up. The house on the opposite side of my grandparents' house from my parents was a very social couple who had a pool in the backyard and loved throwing parties. One day when I was 13 years old and my uncle was 19, I was at my grandparents' house. My grandmother was "watching" me (I got in trouble alot and she was supposed to be keeping me out of trouble), and she had to go grab some ingredients for supper from the grocery store, so she told my uncle to keep an eye on me while she was gone. It was about 8pm in the summertime, and the neighbors were having a pool party with like 30 people in the yard. Even at 13, I had a pretty Joungey sense of humor, so I dared my uncle to run out in the backyard and flash his peter at the crowd next door. He said, "I'm not doing that, you do it!"... Well, knowing that he was immature and dumb, I said "I'll give you $50 to streak around the house one lap in front of those people". $50 was alot of money in the early 90's (especially since we were obviously poor), and I didn't have it, but he didn't know that... so he took the bet. He went to the back door, stripped down, and took off around the house laughing and looking forward to that $50. Everyone next door gasped and pointed and couldn't believe what they were seeing. Neither could he when he finished that lap and tried to get back into the back door that I had promptly locked as soon as he started his lap. Knowing he was gonna beat my azzz, I wouldn't open the door, and the more he screamed and beat on the door, the more the neighbors laughed and pointed. He got back in 15 minutes later when my grandmother let him in buck naked, and we both got beat with an old school switch for humiliating her in front of the whole neighborhood. She did actually make me do manual labor for people until I had earned the $50 and pay him, but it was one of the best pranks I've ever pulled. He still reminds me how sneaky I "was" to this day.
And just to make sure that we have enough juice to finish off the tide- here's a bonus memory of ICT's great uncle: When I was about 5-7 years old, my granddad and great uncle would take me with them to watch them fight at bars. It was basically their form of entertainment. Drink beer, pick a fight, and box. Well, this night, they didn't make it to the bar before they'd had one too many, and they were talking shat in the car when my great uncle says, you know, I've always wanted a pet monkey. My granddad somehow knew a guy that illegally sold exotic animals in the midlands of SC, and no sooner than he told my great uncle that fact, my great uncle pulled an immediate u-turn and headed to the guys "shop" (metal building in the middle of nowhere that had a bunch of weird animals including a full sized orangutan). My great uncle was famous around the midlands for check fraud, and his latest exploits included the brand new Cadillac convertible with red leather seats that we were riding around in. So he picks up a full sized orangutan, puts him with me in the back seat of this Cadillac, and continues over to the bar in Lexington and brings him in with him and is the life of the bar party as people come in and see him drinking beer with an orangutan. After a long night of drinking, he was trying to get the orangutan in the car with him so we could go home, and the monkey just wasn't acting quite right. He finally got him in, and sat in the drivers seat and told me to come on. As I was walking over to the car, the monkey reached forward and started touching the knobs for the radio, and my uncle instictively slapped him. I just want to take a brief pause from the story to warn you all that you should NEVER, I repeat NEVER slap a monkey. That monkey went absolutely positively APESHAT and started ripping that leather backseat to pieces. My uncle and granddad both tried to restrain him but quickly realized that he had gone full on BEASTMODE and there was no stopping him. They got out of the car and closed the doors and before it was all said and done, that car was completely shredded inside. One of the local cops was a fellow patron at the bar and let them borrow handcuffs and they handcuffed the monkey and we rode back to my granddad's house. They were stupid drunk and tied him to the kitchen cabinets and passed out in the living room. My grandmother woke up and came outside to find that there was a full sized orangutan in her kitchen that had one arm handcuffed and tied to the cabinets and had gotten one arm out of the handcuffs and used it sling pewp all over her kitchen. The guy who ran the exotic pet shop made them pay $100 for him to take the monkey back, and my great uncle wrote another bad check to have the car reupholstered so it would look nice a little longer before they repossessed it. The IRS came after him in the late 90's for writing bad checks to pay his federal income taxes, and he told them to "put it on his tab". They told him they would put him in jail, and he said, "oooo goody, three hots and a cot with no rent!". Ultimately, they waived all his unpaid taxes and fees. He never had anything in life, but he did have one hail of a time.
GO TIGERS, bring the trophy home where it belongs. Do your part Jounge!
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Oculus Spirit [81148]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 25483
Joined: 8/29/12
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Wait a minute. I need some more deets on the prom date mom
Jan 11, 2019, 11:14 AM
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How did you finagle that deal?
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Oculus Spirit [91761]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 26532
Joined: 5/21/14
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I'm not going to attempt to retell it
Jan 11, 2019, 11:18 AM
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Twas beautiful
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All-In [40710]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23632
Joined: 7/13/12
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could you write a hollywood ###### out of it?***
Jan 11, 2019, 11:20 AM
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All-In [40710]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23632
Joined: 7/13/12
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CU Medallion [64873]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 22723
Joined: 9/27/04
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I had a pretty good cleansing session last week, but
Jan 7, 2019, 3:21 PM
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I'll add two more for the cause:
1. I was stroking it once and I guess the dog liked the smell of the lotion. It was always nosing me and messing with me, so ONE, I let it lick my weiner. It felt pretty good. A little TOO good.
2. It was Friday night at a high school football game. I was in middle school. I had the great idea to shove this kid that I didn't like down a hill. It was dark outside. I ran up, shoved him and ran off. The adrenaline must have been flowing, because this guy stumbled and flipped head over hills of this huge hill and was layed out cold. I ran off and hid. They brought in an ambulance and the guy had to spend a few days in the hospital due to injuries from that fall. Nobody ever knew who did it and assumed it was a kid from the other school.
To Hunter be the Glory!
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CU Medallion [70720]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 25892
Joined: 6/12/14
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Uh, #1
Jan 7, 2019, 4:16 PM
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CU Medallion [59293]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 36655
Joined: 11/30/98
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Step aside peeps. Time for APM to win dis thang. And forever
Jan 7, 2019, 3:57 PM
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dispel the notion that I am a UGA fan.
So back in the day, 19 and 87 to be exact, when APM was at Dear Old Clemson, APM pledged a fraternity. Stereotypes aside, and think what you will about such organizations, I still have lifelong friends from my time there and we did some crazy azzze stuff that I would have never done otherwise, good and bad.
Well, our house was known to haze pretty hard. Whilst pledging we were made to go on a scavenger hunt in Athens, GA. It was in fact a glorified petty theft and trespassing expedition. One of our tasks was to get into Sanford stadium and take a picture of us in a football formation while...stark naked.
I may or may not have done so (not sure what the statute of limitations is on this kind of thing).
Now you may say to yourself, APM, that's just a fun story, why ever would that be embarrassing?
Well, glad you asked. 1) said pledges had to take photographic proof 2) APM may (or may not, I admit nothing) have been playing center in said naked football formation.
Lord, may this old photo never be found by anyone anywhere. I value my freedom, my wife and children, and my career. NOT mind you that I am confessing to anything. Purely something I heard tell of.
With that, I rest my case for Dear Old Clemson winning it all tonight!!!
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All-In [40710]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 23632
Joined: 7/13/12
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you mention the lifelong friends in this thread
Jan 11, 2019, 10:35 AM
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about natty's and dumb pledge stuff.
lo and behold i ran into a total of 5 old fraternity brothers whilst in Santa Clara on game day. all totally random, but it was nice to see familiar faces and catch up for a minute on the other side of the country
the naysayers be dammed, that stuff was exactly as you said, stupid, fun, good and bad.
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CU Medallion [59293]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 36655
Joined: 11/30/98
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Yep. Hooked up with bruhs from Oregon and Texas this past
Jan 11, 2019, 10:39 AM
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fall. Hadn't seen one in well over 20 years. Picked up right where we left off. We're just a lot older now.
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Oculus Spirit [91761]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 26532
Joined: 5/21/14
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Re: Yep. Hooked up with bruhs from Oregon and Texas this past
Jan 11, 2019, 10:41 AM
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Hooked up with bruhs from Oregon and Texas this past fall. Hadn't seen one in well over 20 years. Picked up right where we left off. We're just a lot older now.
Gross
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Orange Blooded [3166]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1132
Joined: 10/10/14
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Just wanted to take a victory lap with everyone who made
Jan 11, 2019, 10:00 AM
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this dream come true. 44-16, and no doubt whatsoever that it wouldn't have been possible without confessions of pantsshitting, dog weiner licking, inversely constructed engines, indecent exposure, drunken crazy apes, and to push it over the top- APM getting his taint diddled on camera in Sanford Stadium (you gotta be effin proud of that one bro).
The football gods indeed smiled upon our sacrifices and heaped coles upon Bama's head. And don't worry, I still have a few stories in the tank for the next several years when TL and DJ push (insert 2nd place U's) stool in.
Back to lurking. Poest Mor' LBOD's. #Jounge4Lyfe
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Oculus Spirit [91761]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 26532
Joined: 5/21/14
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Thanks you for this. I musta missed it last week
Jan 11, 2019, 10:29 AM
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b/c travelling already.
As my boss would say, "Y'all stoopid".
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All-TigerNet [12506]
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Posts: 10500
Joined: 1/30/98
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