Re: "Why would I go to that cemetery?"

tabbyplague®

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Kind of off topic but tangential to this is something that is rarely talked

Aug 28, 2024, 4:13 PM

about outside the military. That something is being a casualty notification officer/NCO.

One of the things we learned from Vietnam was that notifying families of a military member death is something that should/must be done in person. The days of simply sending a telegram as in WWII have long passed.

At some point in almost every military officer's and NCO's career they will be put on a rotating roster to be a casualty notification officer. It is done by region where almost every military post/base is responsible for a US geographic region for notifications. Sometimes this can be as much as 500 miles from that particular installation. The military installations maintain a roster of designated military members 24/7/365 to handle the notification to any spouse, parent or loco-parentis family member of a service members death.

The way notifications work is that once a military members death occurs - combat our outside of combat - a person of equal or greater rank is designated to notify the immediate family members. If the soldier that dies is married and has parents - it would require separate notification officers/NCOs for each of those immediate members. Sometimes this could be in as many as 3 different States from East coast to West coast. In some situations you could have the spouse living in the State of the deceased service member's military installation and a set of divorced parents living in two other States from as far as California to Maine. It all has to be carefully coordinated so that all the notifications occur at roughly the same time.

This is why in many cases the news will report military members killed in some incident but not release the names - it takes a little time to get the in-person notifications done. The last thing the DoD wants is for immediate family members to first find out their loved one is dead through a news broadcast.

I was on such casualty notification rosters several times in my career - normally for a six month period. Each time before assuming duty on those rosters each potential notification officer/NCO had to go through training. Let me tell you - that is some of the most heart wrenching, emotionally draining training I ever went through. I can't think of a more difficult task than showing up in our dress uniform, knocking on a spouses door and telling them their loved one is dead.

Your job as a notification officer is to deliver the worst news a family member can ever receive. That is why a casualty notification officer/NCO will NEVER be the same person as the casualty assistance officer/NCO that is assigned to these family members and contacts the families shortly after notification.

Luckily I never got the call to make a notification. I do know plenty of guys that did. They told me it was emotionally the hardest thing they had ever had to do. Some even said it was more agonizing than combat itself. Trying to keep it together when telling the spouse, mother, or father that their husband/wife or child was dead was beyond "hard". Many times the family member would scream, lash out at them, or fall to pieces right in front of them.

Keep in mind that each of these 13 service members who gave the ultimate sacrifice had family members experience those notifications. We sometimes lose perspective in our political discourse and quickly choose a side on things. But as I look at that picture, or when I see other pictures from Arlington of families visiting a grave site, I'm reminded of the sadness and un-fillable hole left in the hearts of these families. I'm also reminded that some officer or NCO had the unenviable, but honorable task of telling these families that their family member was no longer with us.

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anybody with a soul. Glad you never got called on to do it.

Not that Vedder knows anything about it firsthand, but it's still pretty haunting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYtBMgLfqKQ

Unsealed, on a porch a letter sat
Then you said, "I wanna leave it again"
Once I saw her on a beach of weathered sand
And on the sand I wanna leave her again

On a weekend I wanna wish it all away, yeah
And they called and I said that I'll go
And I said that I'll call out again
And the reason I ought ta leave her calm, I know
I said, "I don't know whether I'm the boxer or the bag"

Oh yeah, can you see them, out on the porch?
Yeah, but they don't wave
I see them 'round the front way, yeah
And I know, and I know I don't wanna stay

Make me cry

I see oh, I don't know why there's something else
I want to, wanna drum it all away
I said, "I don't, I don't know whether I was the boxer or the bag"

Oh yeah, can you see them, out the on porch?
Yeah, but they don't wave
I see them 'round the front way
And I know, and I know I don't want to stay at all
I don't want to stay
I don't want to stay
I don't want to stay
I don't, I don't want to stay

The reaction if Harris did this:

"Why would I go to that cemetery?"