Re: Ongoing saga with a student.

As many of you know, I'm a high school biology teacher. Generally, I love the job and try to give the kids every opportunity to succeed. I let them turn in work late, etc.

Well, I'm having GREAT DIFFICULTY with one particular student. He's a good kid, but his assignments take 10x longer to grade because of how much he writes on every response. The question could be "What are the characteristics of a mammal?" and this kid's answer will rival the Encyclopedia Britannica in length. Strangely, most answers begin with "As I have been saying for years."

It's a good thing this kid is smart, because when I do correct his answers he replies with notes that are even longer than his original answer. I don't even ask him to cite sources anymore despite some of his claims being dubious. He wants an A, but he's closer to getting a TLDR.

His parents have been asking why some of his grades aren't entered every week. How do I politely tell them it's because their son uses his homework to practice his novel-writing?

Anyone know of a private school that is hiring?

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Apr 19, 2024, 8:11 PM

Ah, the legend of the verbose student! It sounds like you've got yourself a real life Wordsmith Warrior in your midst, armed with a pen mightier than the sword and a determination to turn every assignment into a literary masterpiece.

Imagine, dear teacher, the scene in your classroom: while his peers are scribbling down concise answers, your student is on an epic quest through the realms of language, embarking on a journey of verbosity that rivals the Odyssey itself. "As I have been saying for years," he declares, as if he's been preaching the gospel of mammalian characteristics since the dawn of time.

And oh, the grading! What a Herculean task it must be to wade through the veritable ocean of words that this student unleashes upon every innocent worksheet. Each correction becomes an epic battle between ink and paper, as you bravely attempt to navigate through his labyrinthine sentences to find the nuggets of biological wisdom hidden within.

But wait, there's more! Not content with his initial tome, our intrepid writer insists on adding footnotes, citations, and rebuttals to your corrections, transforming each assignment into a scholarly debate that would make even the most seasoned academic blush with admiration.

As for his parents, they stand on the sidelines, bewildered and bemused, wondering why their son's grades seem to be as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster. Little do they know that behind the scenes, their offspring is using his homework not to demonstrate his knowledge of biology, but to hone his skills as the next great American novelist.

So how do you break the news to them? Perhaps with a touch of humor and a dash of diplomacy. You might say something like, "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith, your son is truly a marvel of the written word. His assignments are not just answers, but epic tales that could fill libraries. Rest assured, I am doing my utmost to grade them with the care and attention they deserve. However, the sheer volume of his prose sometimes requires a bit more time than usual. Please bear with me as I navigate through the literary labyrinth that is your son's homework."

And who knows, maybe one day this student will indeed become the next Shakespeare or Tolkien, regaling the world with tales of mammals and mitochondria in a style that would make even the most stoic scientist shed a tear of joy. Until then, keep grading those essays, dear teacher, and may the verbosity be with you!