Know your Coot (For TheGoodAg)

Aug 4, 2014, 7:07 PM

Since you are going to brave Columbia, this information might be useful. Most Coot fans are ok. They will be rocking their jeans and coot shirts and are pretty much like most fans you will come across. Some will even be welcoming and invite you to their tailgate. If you find such a group of Coots, just latch on to them for the day, don't press your luck or you might run into the following:

Prep Coot:
His name is going to be Hunter, or Chaz, or possibly some ridiculous sounding last name that he uses for a first name. He will be wearing your standard issue SEC prep/frat outfit. Croakies, maroon dress shirt, bow tie (maybe) and Khakis. He will also have some good looking sorority girls hanging around him. This will be tempting, but you need to walk on by. Prep Coot has an enormous chip on his shoulder because 1 of 2 things has happened to him.
1. He is a Coot legacy. His daddy is a lawyer and he is a giant turd. His goal in life was to get into USCe, which is significantly less challenging than getting into a nice preschool. He was born on third base and been thrown out several times at third. He still thinks he is awesome. He will be fun until something goes wrong and then he will turn into a raging lunatic (probably due to the coke he has been knocking down all day).
2. He is loaded, but couldn't buy his way into a decent school. He is even worse than a Coot legacy. He will be the first person to punch you in the back of the head when things turn south for the Coots. If the Coots are winning he will be insufferable but will not be able to take anything in return without becoming a crazy rage monster (again because of the coke).

Redneck Coot:
Redneck Coot will be short (5'5-5')and have what I like to call redneck mouth. It's hard to explain, but you'll know it when you see it. Redneck Coot most likely does not actually attend USCe, but that won't stop him from being the most obnoxious Coot fan in attendance. He will be crushing a bunch of beer and may or may not have a cadre of hot redneck Coot girls with him. This too will be tempting, but you need to walk away. Redneck Coot has an inferiority complex a mile wide. He will mostly talk about "Taters" and how much he hates them. If A&M has any success he will go into redneck rage. Redneck rage can not be reasoned with and he will most likely be spending his night in jail for punching a stranger, crying, punching another stranger, and then drunkenly crashing his truck trying to escape.

Tiger Fans, please feel free to add in any other flavor of Coot fan you think may be dangerous.

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Their is Cockaboose Coot-these are the career high level coot club donors who bought rides on the cootabooses before they actually had grass to tailgate on. They are now very bitter as they have no access to the grass and have invested their life savings in to a rusty railroad car with an obstructed view of the Bojangles of which they own several franchises, most of which are in chapter 7. You will know them as they'll be riding a "Little Rascal" with flags sporting the number 5 and normally have oxygen tanks. If it rains, they do have a roof, so finding a friendly one could be a coup, or is that coop.

Then their is Stoner Coot. These are actually the ones to hang with. They are 8th year undergrads, normally with hot stoner chicks, still pursuing their liberal arts degree which will enable them to earn 30K a year as a barback in 5 Points spending the next 40 years paying back student loans. Their will be smoke around the tailgate, normally a grill going to cover the weed. They are very hospitable but will constantly ask you what A&M means, and then because it's "agriculture," ask if you know the proper fertelizer for growing weed. No fights, alot of Widespread Panic tunes and you'll probably miss the game, but all in all a net of safety in Newark, NJ south

Know your Coot (For TheGoodAg)

"A cadre of hot redneck Coot girls"

"A stable of shot red light Coot girls"....***

No, there are some hot redneck Coot girls

Re: Know your Coot (For TheGoodAg)

Your forgot the Thug Coots.***

Re: Know your Coot (For TheGoodAg)

I've hooked up with coot chicks

Re: I've hooked up with coot chicks

Dude...we all have....

not me brother

You forgot a couple

Re: You forgot a couple

the intelligent coot

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