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Orange Elite [5292]
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Lunge Household division of duties informal poll
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:33 PM
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Sooo my co-worker bestie is griping about her husband and how she asks him to do stuff he doesn't do it to her liking, IE she had him email a teacher to schedule a conference for their kid but she didn't like the time he arranged. Need to get kids passports, so he filled out the paper work and got their son's birthday wrong. This friend is kind of a whiner, she doesn't cook or seem to clean and her husband doesn't really work (he's a real estate agent with no houses to sell, and also a trust fund kid). She also doesn't work as hard as she acts like she does, because I'm with her all day.
She asked me if she was being unreasonable, and I told her that I have a pretty modern marriage but I handle 99 percent of the educating of the children/detail oriented stuff like passports for household because I already know either he wouldn't do it to my unreasonably high standards (at least I'm self aware) or would ask me so many questions while doing it it would be end up being easier to do it myself.
So how is stuff like this divided in your household? I think we are pretty equal in terms of duties in our house, and my man ain't afraid to do laundry or clean but I don't think he could name all of the kid's teachers.
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Ultimate Tiger [36731]
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Re: Lunge Household division of duties informal poll
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:40 PM
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In terms of larger responsibilities, I am the "head of household" for finances/bills/maintenance/legal, etc. But, lots of communication as it requires, and we're very much on the same page with savings/retirement/spending goals. We also talk about larger purchases.
For household duties, I handle the kitchen/cooking, she does laundry and spot cleaning in between monthly housekeeper visits.
For the kid, I am the kid-runner, but she does most of the educational management -- teacher communications, etc.
It's a good system. Definitely, like you, more of a modern arrangement. She makes more money (to some degree -- about a 15% gap), but I work from home, so it gives me more flexibility to get stuff done. I also enjoy keeping her a "kept" woman. She'd be more than happy to take on more responsibility, but she's my princess.
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Orange Elite [5292]
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You're a much nicer dude than I thought you were***
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:49 PM
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Clemson Sports Icon [52367]
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Re: Lunge Household division of duties informal poll
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:08 PM
[ in reply to Re: Lunge Household division of duties informal poll ] |
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I do all the cooking. Mrs me does all the cleaning. Trash and recyclables are mine. I pay 80 percent of household bills. We split groceries in two. Everything is on autopay. The house and autos are paid in full. She pays for her unemployed son and his health bills after insurance.
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Clemson Sports Icon [52367]
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BTW...
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:14 PM
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Orange Blooded [2426]
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I do all the cooking, she does all the laundry.
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:41 PM
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Everything else gets split pretty evenly, or if one of us sees that something needs to get done, we'll just do it.
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Orange Elite [5292]
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We've got some modern men up in the lounge
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:57 PM
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Proud of you fellas
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Ultimate Tiger [36731]
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It comes with the territory of marrying strong women.
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:11 PM
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And if you want a happy, rewarding marriage, you marry strong women.
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Top TigerNet [29660]
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Re: It comes with the territory of marrying strong women.
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:21 PM
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Until the snake has to be removed from the attic. Then you'll be reminded that you are the man, and men take care of that sort of thing.
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Orange Blooded [2200]
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [98271]
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After I got my big raise and my pay went up to
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:19 PM
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$30/hr I told MsLovin she didn't have to work no mo, but she actually likes working.
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Ultimate Tiger [36731]
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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Nah... I just think its funny that the traditional way is kinda looked down
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:55 PM
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upon now.
I bust my butt and my wife busts her butt... she makes $0 income, I make all the income. She does all inside household stuffs.
Like I said... nobody is going to say, you took the traditional approach. Im proud of you.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [98271]
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So both of you are
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:59 PM
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### busters?
Like Jimmy said, you do what works for you. thumbs up emoji.
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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I think you missed my point... and actually proving my point.
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:06 PM
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Both work, split everyday life duties... im so proud of you
1 work, 1 does household... SHAME! (Not really... maybe a slight over exaggeration... but definitely not: good job, im proud of you... more like: Hey man, you do you.)
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [98271]
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Actually, I was talking about
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:07 PM
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pegging
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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DANGIT!
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:08 PM
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joke over the head of Rambo.gif
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Orange Elite [5292]
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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I have a lot on me.
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:39 PM
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She keeps asking what she can do to help me. I tell her to stay focused on what she is doing. We both have a lot... I have more, but I can handle my stuff better than she can handle hers. So as far as stress loading, we are about the same.
If I had to do what she does... I would either end up in prison or a mental institute, because I can not handle the stressors she does very well at all.
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Orange Blooded [2426]
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TigerNet Eternal Icon [179753]
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We both worked until we both retired. Well, she retired first -a year before me
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:42 PM
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but she is 7 years younger.
Prior to retirement
1) A maid was needed to do the regular cleaning, so she came every 2 weeks iirc
2) I handled (still do) all bill paying/legal/financial type stuff, taxes, etc.
3) Wife is a bulldog so she handles most 'vendor' stuff - getting someone to do something or any issues
4) I cook, she cleans up - still pretty much this way, but I am trying to get her to cook more often
5) she loves yard work and I hate it, so either get it hired out or she does it, either way, I am only going to do things that are of immediate need or once a year type stuff
6) paperwork I would do and she looks over, fine with me, usually needs two sets of eyes anyway just to be sure.
7) I will wash clothes, but she does most of it
8) We have rules - trash is full, take it out; you use the last roll of TP or PT, replenish it immediately, stuff like that
9) She did not work when kids were younger, so she did most of the daily bringing up the kid stuff
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TigerNet Eternal Icon [179753]
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If you want to see what it is like when you have to do everything, have your
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:17 PM
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break her kneecap - I had about 6 months of full on duties. Not fun. LOL.
RIp Celtic since that was about the time he passed and checked on Mama G a few days before - he went thru similar stuff, but his knee and no one there to do all the stuff. I still don't know how he made it thru that.
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Heisman Winner [87432]
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Yeah you learn a lot about folks when you're incapacitated.
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Jan 13, 2025, 5:10 PM
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I was laid up on crutches last year for a couple months. It's a learning experience.
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Clemson Icon [24194]
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Traditional hosehold.
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:42 PM
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Me - bills, work, money management, investing, maintenance
her - homeschool, food, cleaning, laundry, etc.
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Tiger Titan [50921]
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Pretty evenly split for day to day (kitchen, bath, laundry, floors, etc.) but I
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:43 PM
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am my own boss and I do have weekends off.
Plus I do 95% of all cooking including making my own sammiches.
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TigerNet Grandmaster [198593]
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I do it all.***
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:46 PM
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Clemson Sports Icon [52367]
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Re: I do it all.***
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:12 PM
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Valley Protector [1411]
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Re: Lunge Household division of duties informal poll
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:49 PM
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First of all, Passports? first world issue.
Both of mine are out of the school system (one in college). But, I was out of the school picture early on because I dared ask a question at an open house when our first was in the 4th grade. My wife handled all things school related after that. It was a mutual decision.
As for the friend, How could any time for a conference be an issue for someone that doesn't work? I'm not familiar with that concept. Did it get in the way of her yoga?
I can cook, clean and do laundry. I also take care of EVERYTHING outside the house as well.
And what was the question I asked? I guess it wasn't the question so much as the comment after it. The teacher said something about doing a math test using calculators. I thought she was joking. This is the 4th grade. When I realized she wasn't joking it went down like this:
"you're letting them use calculators in the 4th grade?"
"yes, it helps them get over the more difficult parts."
"well, aren't you supposed to be teaching them math? You can teach a monkey to push buttons."
I only went back to one open house after that. It was in middle school. The English teacher complained that kids today don't know how to spell. "all they have to do is right click".. I said they can't spell because you're not teaching them to spell, you're teaching them to right click".
That was my very last open house.
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Orange Elite [5292]
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Husband of is the one who doesn't work
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:51 PM
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but he's independently wealthy (mommy and daddy)
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Orange Elite [5292]
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And this is co-worker's husband, not mine
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:53 PM
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Husband of KMS is an ### buster
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TigerNet Elite [76158]
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So......I hate to ask this
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:57 PM
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but is it painful ?
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Heisman Winner [87432]
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In a good way***
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:01 PM
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Top TigerNet [29660]
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Re: So......I hate to ask this
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:28 PM
[ in reply to So......I hate to ask this ] |
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KenM - how did you miss this one?
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Top TigerNet [30613]
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when married
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:54 PM
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i handled all outdoor yard maintenance and the bathrooms. basically split laundry. she handled finances, groceries, beds, etc.
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Tiger Titan [50277]
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I handle the school stuff for obvious reasons
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Jan 13, 2025, 1:55 PM
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We also have a rule that whoever gets home first cooks. Usually, that's me.
We both handle cleaning the house. I'm more of a put stuff away and she is more of a deep cleaner.
I'm not allowed to fold anything but towels and wash clothes anymore. So I put the clothes in, she folds them.
Kids fold their own laundry and put it up.
I handle all outdoor duties
I also handle all financial duties. She skims some off the top each month thinking I don't know to squirrel it away in her own little savings drawer.
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Clemson Sports Icon [58713]
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I think it's pretty balanced now, but there were times it was not.
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:02 PM
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She does most cooking and I do pretty much all kitchen cleaning.
She does most grocery shopping.
I pay the bills and do financial stuff, maintain house, cars and the yardwork.
She does just over half the laundry and housecleaning.
Not too much kid stuff anymore.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [98271]
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Who handles the
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:08 PM
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D?
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Clemson Sports Icon [58713]
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BOAISY***
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:11 PM
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Top TigerNet [29660]
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Re: Lunge Household division of duties informal poll
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:09 PM
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Me - finance, gardening/tree work, home maintenance, deal with the animals that occasionally enter the attic.
Queen - majority of the cooking, majority of the house cleaning (I pitch in too), almost all of the event planning - I have to check her calendar cuz she has stuff planned out for years.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [98271]
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She does all the women things
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:11 PM
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I do all the men things.
We split finances also and it works amazingly.
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Top TigerNet [29660]
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Re: She does all the women things
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:12 PM
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I mean, why would anyone expect me to do woman's work???
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Clemson Sports Icon [58713]
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BOAISY***
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:13 PM
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Top TigerNet [29660]
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Re: BOAISY***
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:14 PM
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That's not one of my responsibilities either
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Top TigerNet [29014]
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True story. Idk my 1 yr olds new teachers
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:25 PM
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Names. Luckily my 3 yr old had my back hahaha.
Me: 95% cook. At least half our laundry. All finances. Yard. Most grocery shopping and meal planning.
Wife: 95% cleaning after meals. Kids laundry. Outsources other cleaning.
Split: we alternate kids bath times. Whoever does 1 yr old cleans up (easily my least favorite task). We used to split pick up and drop off, but now that wife is in office most days, she does most.
Everything else is dynamic / just rotate
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Legend [6975]
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In the Synan household
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Jan 13, 2025, 2:29 PM
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I do all the cooking
I do all the laundry that can be washed on a regular cycle
I pay the bills
The other MSynan does most of the running around of the children
Anything that has to be washed on delicate cycle
We split the cleaning fairly evenly, but I only clean our bathroom a couple of times a year, and I can't remember the last time I saw her with a mop, that's what her husband and children are for
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Heisman Winner [79025]
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So the passport thing I reckon could be a big deal.
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:02 PM
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The meeting thing your co-worker needs to get bent.
Since we don't have kids to worry with Sharkgirl and I just end up taking care of our own stuff then whatever needs done gets done by who sees it, unless I need to pick up something heavy.
She does most of the vet trips for the old man cat, as she had him before she met me. I will take him on days when here work is in the way.
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Orange Immortal [63758]
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Pretty much same as you. Ain't no WAY I would have ever known detailed
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:02 PM
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sh*t about schooling and my wife homeschooled our kids for 4 years and then worked in the school system when they were young. All of that was her.
She pays the bills but we have a weekly budget meeting and jointly make decisions on big purchases, debt service, etc.
My duties are things like home maintenance, my own laundry and sometimes the kids' (but only one still left at home), the cars, trash, the dog, I help with dishes and empty the dishwasher most mornings, I used to do the lawn but we have paid someone to do that for years. Snow shoveling if we have a winter like we have had so far.
Honestly, since she works from home now and worked on the kids' schedules while they were still in the home, much more fell on her as far as meeting the plumber, the yard guys, making calls for school, etc.
If I am being honest the duty division is close to 70/30 her to me. 60/40 if I am really on my game or if there is a special project that falls to me.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [104217]
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I don't, cannot, and refuse to learn how to fold a fitted sheet.
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:03 PM
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My wife never changes her oil or does any maintenance on her car, or any yardwork, ever.
She does her stuff, I do mine. Seems to work out fine, unless you ask her.
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Clemson Conqueror [11394]
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That's what kids are for***
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:06 PM
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TigerNet Champion [113626]
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I wake up and get kids ready for school, pack lunches, make tea for wife, coffee
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:14 PM
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for me, drive two oldest to middle school. Wife works at school where youngest attends.
I do 95% of the cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, etc. I clean up after I cook as well. We split laundry most of the time, just whoever sees that it needs to be done.
She "loves" cleaning as a stress reliever so she cleans the entire house from top to bottom, mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, cleaning showers every week. However, she cannot stand if I am not cleaning while she is, so I usually sweep downstairs, vacuum rugs, vacuum upstairs, mop floors, etc.
I feed the dogs and scoop poop in the yard, I do the yard work, I do most everything outside the house.
Wife coordinates MOST of the school stuff, mainly because she works in the schools. I attend every meeting that I can get to. We split duties of taking kids to doctor, but I know what is going on just as much as she knows, for the most part. My biggest pet peeve is that if I take a kid to a well visit, wife quizzes me afterward wanting to know everything, including questions I didn't know to ask.
I take the boys to soccer most of the time, she takes daughter to volleyball most of the time.
Bills is up to me, taxes is up to me, we could have $1M extra in the account and she would have no idea or we could be dead broke and she wouldn't know until a card got declined or something.
This feels heavy on my side. Not sure how it got this way, I am super busy all the time, feels like it never lets up. Kids are 9, 11, and 13.
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Orange Elite [5292]
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I feel like I didn't realize that I was going to basically be an uber service
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:24 PM
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for my kids. Coordinating schedules for just 2 kids is a lot, so I'm grateful my husband put his foot down on that 3rd kid.
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TigerNet Champion [113626]
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I'm about to go get two kids from wife, she will go to the gym, get the third
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:47 PM
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on her way home while I take one to soccer. One of us will then take middle kid to soccer and pick up youngest kid...then someone has to go pick up middle kid from soccer. I'll be cooking dinner during all of that too.
Luckily Soccer is only on Monday and Wednesday. Volleyball is on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Fridays is nothing, unless we are headed out of town for games...this shidd is FUN, right?*
*sometimes it actually is and it all makes sense.
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Orange Elite [5292]
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Yep sounds like my life
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:57 PM
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except one kid practices seven days a week
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Valley Protector [1411]
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Re: I'm about to go get two kids from wife, she will go to the gym, get the third
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Jan 13, 2025, 4:04 PM
[ in reply to I'm about to go get two kids from wife, she will go to the gym, get the third ] |
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Happy day when each of mine narrowed it down to one each. Football for my son and dance for daughter.
Son-of did soccer, flag football, orchestra and tae kwon do. Daughter stuck to ballet.
A friends son was my son's soccer teammate, he told his dad he wanted to play travel baseball. The dad looked at him and said, "Well, you aren't playing travel baseball. I can go right over here across the street and watch you strike out. I don't need to drive to Greensboro to watch it."
It's an absolute game changer when one learns to drive. Your day is coming!
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [104217]
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I need a part-time assistant just to field all the school robocalls, emails
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:58 PM
[ in reply to I feel like I didn't realize that I was going to basically be an uber service ] |
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text messages, etc.
Lemme see....for today, so far....we have:
2 text messages (some school had a fire alarm go off)
5 emails
1 robo call this am
All of the above also comes with a duplicate notification from the ParentSquare app. Just in case I miss the email, the text message and the robocall.
But wait, there's moar. That's just for our oldest in HS. Elementary and middle schools have their own emails, texts, and robocalls, and parent square notifications. Our HS son also takes ONE CLASS (virtual) at another HS that offers Latin. So we get ALL THEIR CRAP TOO.
Message was edited by: Tiggity®
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Tiger Titan [50277]
TigerPulse: 100%
58
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Joined: 2015
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And then I get angry parent phone calls because we never tell them anything***
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Jan 13, 2025, 4:13 PM
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [104217]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
Posts: 68250
Joined: 2002
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Oh, you probably do. See, we get bombarded with school cookie fundraisers
1
Jan 13, 2025, 4:43 PM
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The boosterthon fund raiser, some kid got some math award, robotiocs team went to the nationals, football game stuff, all the sports stuff, christmas concerts, programs, etc. 23 explanations of the no cell phone rule, other random rules enacted......
For every ONE piece of communication about MY KID's grades or behavior, wife and I get 100+ notifications about crap.
And we've gotten 12 notifications about PowerSchool being freaking hacked.
With all this technology, and administrators spending literally all day communicating with parents, the amount of child specific communication from teachers is probably on par with 1983 when I was kid.
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Tiger Spirit [9120]
TigerPulse: 100%
44
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Right now, we both work and both help out at home.
4
Jan 13, 2025, 3:16 PM
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She does most of cooking during week. I generally handle the weekend. One cleans up after dinner while the other bathes the kids. We each put one kid down at bed time. She cleans and does laundry. I meal plan/shop and do most of the outdoor chores. I generally drop kids off and she picks them up.
Honestly, it's exhausting and we both feel stretched too thin. She is going to stop working after kid 3 arrives this spring. I'm hoping that creates a little more stability.
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Orange Elite [5292]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Hang in there, it gets easier when they get older. Mine are 10 and 13
8
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Jan 13, 2025, 3:20 PM
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and they tuck me in at night now.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [104217]
TigerPulse: 100%
64
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Joined: 2002
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Yep. Tell our 15yo to take the dog out before bed and lock up
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Jan 13, 2025, 5:01 PM
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I'm out by 9:30pm.
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Orange Immortal [66130]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 2017
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My wife travels a lot and my schedule
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Jan 13, 2025, 5:00 PM
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is insanity. So literally everything is split. Cooking, cleaning, laundry.
I couldn’t even put percentages on it. It’s just who ever can do it, do it. And it works like a charm…..somehow.
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Oculus Spirit [40998]
TigerPulse: 100%
57
Posts: 23769
Joined: 2012
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TIL I live in a modern home
2
Jan 13, 2025, 7:34 PM
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The dynamic has shifted a bit now that I actually have to physically go to work.
I'm on maintenance, grocery store, split on the pickups and dropoffs based on schedule, attend as many school meetings and functions as I can, I do my laundry and she does everyone elses, we both cook and clean, and it all seems like a well choreographed dance sometimes even if I have no idea what the next step is.
It's hard and fun and frustrating and awesome and frightening and everything else all at once.
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Ultimate Clemson Legend [99922]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 2009
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When you ask a man or boy to do something that he doesn't want to do...
Jan 14, 2025, 3:28 PM
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and he lets you know with the results, you have a problem.
Example:
GF's asked 16 y/o son to mow the grass. Son made a mess so mama continued to do the job
GF's mom had a brain bleed and spent 6 wks in ICU at Knoxville U Med Center. GF worked swing shifts on 3 day/off 4, on 4/off 3 so she and I spent her off days at the hospital.
During that time she asked 16 y/o to mow. On the way home she stressed over him turning her lawn into a warzone. I offered a $5 bet that it would look exactly the way it looked when she mowed it.
It did. It did because he wouldn't disrespect his mama while she and he were suffering the trauma of granny on her death bed.
That's passive aggressive behavior your friend's husband is showing. It was clear in all your examples that he spoke more softly than me. I would have said 'NO.' Oh, I had my problems too.
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