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All-TigerNet [10871]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 12937
Joined: 4/18/12
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If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 28, 2015, 11:38 PM
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I'd first have to ask the lady next to me, "How much?" and hope I had enough Washingtons to cover it...
Then, I'd roll out of my bug ridden sheets and into my 'work' clothes...
After rinsing my shirt in the sink, trying to get one of the newer grease stains out, I'd slip it on and douse myself with some cologne....Pledge wood cleaner...ahhhh, lemons.
I'd make sure I got most of the knots out of the back of my mullet, and pick through the dried left-overs in my mustache. Nothing goes to waste! Mmmmmm, shriveled pieces of Vienna sausages for breakfast!
Then, I'd check the calender...see how long it's gonna take till I get my license back (maybe never this time)...then head out the door.
I'd probably spend a few minutes trying to start my liquorcycle, I mean my moped...and throw a wad of Skoal (berry blend) in my mouth and head to my shift manning the fryer with big dreams of making employee of the month...
But luckily I'm not a coot...and I count my blessings that I avoided such a fate everyday. single. day.
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All-In [38452]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 33205
Joined: 7/28/11
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 28, 2015, 11:42 PM
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You might not be a Coot , but I know you want that liquorcycle !
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All-TigerNet [10871]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 12937
Joined: 4/18/12
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I'll take the liquor....someone else can have the cycle...
Mar 28, 2015, 11:46 PM
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Heisman Winner [112261]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 74011
Joined: 9/10/03
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 28, 2015, 11:49 PM
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you forgot to mention calling that number at 6:00 AM to see if your color came up and need to report for the pee test. Also, no coot dreams of being employee of the month, they dream of one day robbing the place and going on the run.
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110%er [8867]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 5339
Joined: 11/17/14
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 28, 2015, 11:58 PM
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THAT will never be a problem with my family. My two daughters were raised in the upper deck on South side. It was tough toting the little ones up but they grew to be orange blooded. Tigers all in
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All-TigerNet [10871]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 12937
Joined: 4/18/12
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Starting them off right I see....kudos***
Mar 29, 2015, 12:02 AM
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All-In [38452]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 33205
Joined: 7/28/11
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Re: Starting them off right I see....kudos***
Mar 29, 2015, 12:11 AM
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Each cooler has a surprise . The Liquortrain has left the station .
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Starter [365]
TigerPulse: 83%
Posts: 672
Joined: 12/3/13
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 29, 2015, 12:01 AM
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Stop Please !
Can't Stand a Realist !
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110%er [7169]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 4003
Joined: 9/17/14
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 29, 2015, 2:03 AM
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Wouldn't that be a lady ####? They seem to really be into them extrey appendage packing ladies here lately. Not that there's anything wrong with it but just da real chickenz get all flustered when asked about it.
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CU Medallion [55704]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 58568
Joined: 7/18/07
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 29, 2015, 3:35 AM
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If you woke up as a coot, you would have had one H&ll of a nightmare and woke up smelling just like chit with the taste of it in your mouth. And that would have been one of those times that you've heard about people saying they would have been better off by just not waking up at all. And if you couldn't go right back to sleep and dream about Clemson, you would be a miserable SOB for the rest of your miserable life. Talking about a nightmare, they don't come anymore FKed up than that. Hurry and go back to sleep before your life becomes a total waste.
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Orange Blooded [3820]
TigerPulse: 82%
Posts: 4395
Joined: 12/24/09
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you forgot about having to dispose of
Mar 29, 2015, 8:04 AM
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your 23rd consecutive year of unused "SEC-Champion" Sugar Bowl tickets.
as you are indeed forever the "optimist".
so after finding a nice place over the paper dispenser in the bathroom to add to your wallpaper,
its time to get online and commiserate with your buddies at Mississippi State and Kentucky
about the upcoming football season - "an examination in mediocrity".
you are humble, and very few know that Garth wrote the refrain of "friends in low places" about you.
come to think of it, you'll drink to that....
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Rock Defender [56]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 142
Joined: 9/21/09
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Re: If I woke up and I was a coot...
Mar 29, 2015, 8:11 AM
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I died at "maybe never this time"
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CU Guru [1359]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1536
Joined: 8/25/13
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You left out "plug in my GPS monitoring ankle bracelet"***
Mar 29, 2015, 8:28 AM
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