Re: I Am Not A Christian

I Am Not A Christian

TigerCC®

Orange Phenom [14803]

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I too, am Not A Christian, however

May 8, 2020, 5:44 PM [ in reply to I Am Not A Christian ]

And I can understand and sympathize with everything you're saying.

I went through a tough childhood (Alcoholic violent dad, beatings, 11 different schools, on the run, scared). Just a bad situation that I never really talked to anyone about growing up.

Then, everything started to unravel 6 years ago (I'm in my mid 40's now). It was triggered by the Boston Marathon Bombing as I went into shock that night after a full day of listening to the police scanner, calling friends, watching news and trying to stay in touch with my GF at the time who just missed the explosions by 15 min).

I didn't eat or sleep for over 5 days after, and subsequently I went to very dark, very scary space.

No concept of time, just in mental dead space, lots of emotional pain and I couldn't understand what was happening, aside from the fact I felt like my control has slipped away. I cried and asked for it just be over with. People describe it as being lost in the dark. That is a very real description. You have no concept of what's going to happen and can't even think about what 5-10 minutes from now will look like.

Scariest moment of my life.

It took about a few months to get back into a routine. At first, 2-3 hours of sleep at night became 5-6. What was just oranges & bananas and water at first finally became more fruits and vegetables. I lost my taste for alcohol and sugar, which was great for weight loss (and my allergies drastically improved too). I lost 28lbs in 30 days. I first started walking,...a lot, then I started back running, and then added in the bike and going to hot yoga.

I also started to talk to a counselor. The best thing I come to realize, I had set up so many expectations and beliefs of what I was supposed to be. Basically, I was failure at that point in my life. I didn't own a house, or have a big 401k, kids or take vacations every 6-12 months. He quickly called me on my BS, and grounded me. It gave me a much needed new perspective. I never once gave myself credit for what I had achieved. Compared to my starting point, I was doing better than 97-99% than anyone else.

He helped me realize as well, that as bad as my problem were, there were many others who had gone through similar issues, some even worse, and that everyone's else life wasn't as grand as I believed in my own head. Most importantly, I started to realized I wasn't alone in my struggle. Yes, there is comfort in knowing you're not alone and we all struggle. We're wired for it, whether we like it or not.

During this 2-3 month transformation, I first read Broken Open, and then a A New Earth By Eckhart Tolle. I started to find purpose in so much of what I was doing. It was also during this time I added mediation to my routine, and something do 2-4x per day. It was through the books and the mediation I was able to recognize the difference b/n what was real, and what was my "ego" talking. Being able to distinguish b/n real and emotional (ego) has helped me so much. When I realize it's my ego, I can let things go so much easier.

During this time, I realized I had been asking a higher power for courage, strength and guidance. Then it hit me like a ton of Bricks. I was talking to God.

But not in the sense that so many portray him (and certainly not what I had rejected most of my own life do to the hypocrisy I seen and experienced my whole life).

It was here, that I finally found peace. I was speaking to God, but it was personal and on my terms. Someone that was there for me. A higher being, shaped in the image I needed, to accept and trust.

I've always resisted being told what to do by others, and refused religion again b/c of hypocrisy by those that pushed it on me. In many cases, I was that person that didn't believe in a "God" after what felt like so many failures and so much struggle. However, I couldn't deny the fact that I always still to a higher power in times of crisis. I prayed for courage, strength or safety for my mom and me when I was younger. I also prayed for other who need support, comforting strength or peace when they asked. Again it was all very personal, and I never shared it with anyone.

I didn't need God to be defined by others. That was my main issue. And I think that's the issue many people have.

For me, it was coming to the conclusion that I could have connection with a higher power that felt comforting. Something that made me feel as if I didn't have to carry around all my baggage and issues on my own and could lean into as needed. And guess what, his name could also be "God", or something else if I wished.

While I never heard voices or carried on talking with myself, I did find gentle nudges in every day life that have been the guidance and reassurance I needed that a higher power does indeed, at least for me.

For me, the story is my way of connecting. For those struggling with making the connection, and overcoming your own set of beliefs or fighting your own experiences with hypocrisy, maybe this helps you find the connection you've been looking for.

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As an agnostic Clemson alum, I wish Dabo would tone down the religious stuff from time to time. I think it's given him great values and certainly wouldn't want to take it out of him because I think it's helped make him who he is, but I don't like reading quotes about "shame on him" if he didn't cultivate his non-religious players' faiths. Outside of the nut-jobs that preach Christianity while being terrible people and money-hungry hypocrites, I have zero problem with christians. My whole family is catholic and that's great. But once people want to push or force their religion on other people, Dabo included, I have an issue. Just let everyone believe what they want to believe and no one tell me what to believe and we are all good.

Dabo can sometimes come off as someone who looks down on non-religious folks as being lost or not yet religious rather than humans who simply don't share his beliefs. I wish he showed a little more understanding from time to time that not everyone has to be a christian and that's perfectly fine. Someone that believes in Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, etc. is no different than him believing in Christianity.

Re: I'm thankful Dabo is our coach and***

TNET: Swinney on being a Christian in critical world: "I don't think you can turn that off"

Looking at you...FFRF...***

Re: TNET: Swinney on being a Christian in critical world: "I don't think you can turn that off"

Re: TNET: Swinney on being a Christian in critical world: "I don't think you can turn that off"

Yep - it is Colossians 3:23***

Re: Yep - it is Colossians 3:23***

I Am Not A Christian