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How many of you are masters of the grill?
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Replies: 23
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Clemson Sports Icon [59183]
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How many of you are masters of the grill?
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May 16, 2024, 2:48 PM
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https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-100-of-men-cooking-on-grill-just-kinda-moving-meat-around-and-hoping-for-the-best
WACO, TX — With summer barbecue season about to heat up, a new study has found that a remarkable 100% of men cooking on a grill were just kinda moving meat around and hoping for the best.
The new findings confirmed what many experts had long suspected, meaning hundreds of millions of men wearing "grillmaster" aprons had been flying by the seats of their cargo pants all along.
"It turns out all these guys are just out there winging it," said Professor Thurston Billingsley, who led the research team. "Though men often talk a big game about knowing all there is to know about grilling meat, they are, in reality, just poking at sausages and flipping pieces of meat haphazardly without knowing the outcome whatsoever."
When reached for comment on the study results, one man came clean. "Yes… yes, it's true. God forgive me, it's true," said self-professed grilling aficionado Scotty Moon. "I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm just out there shoving meat around to different areas on the grill and hoping for the best. I can do everything exactly like I did the last time, but it never turns out the same twice in a row. Why is that? Why?!"
The study also confirmed that all men purchase as many grilling tools and accessories as possible in order to maintain the facade.
At publishing time, the research team was preparing to move on to its next study, which would determine what percentage of men had no idea how a toilet actually worked or how to fix one.
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Heisman Winner [78599]
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I am master of my domain.***
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May 16, 2024, 2:49 PM
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Clemson Sports Icon [59973]
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Re: I am master of my domain.***
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May 16, 2024, 3:34 PM
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There you go Blood, and that's the rule at my house on MY grill!!!
Message was edited by: allorangeallthetime52®
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Offensive Star [319]
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Clemson Sports Icon [59973]
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Re: I am master of my domain.***
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May 16, 2024, 4:09 PM
[ in reply to I am master of my domain.*** ] |
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But to be honest, the wife bought us a new smoker that is much better than the one we had, and I'm enjoying cooking with it a lot better than I did with our old one, and my grill hasn't had any charcoal fired up in it in a while.
Now the grill will be used this summer as it has the past 10 summers, but I need to find someone that can make me another pan where you put the charcoal bc over the years of use, the pan has a hole in it. I have one of those grills that lowes use to sell that was cast iron that you can lower or raise the charcoal. Do you know any sheet metal guys
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Paw Master [17093]
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Clemson Sports Icon [59973]
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Re: King of my Castle***
May 19, 2024, 8:59 PM
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That's the real deal, as every man should be the only king in his castle, and it's time for war if another king tries to wear his crown in my castle!!!
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Orange Blooded [4083]
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I know Im not smart enough to do a brisket justice***
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May 16, 2024, 3:35 PM
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Game Changer [1676]
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Re: I know Im not smart enough to do a brisket justice***
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May 16, 2024, 3:37 PM
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Try to find some beef plate ribs, it’s a similar taste and cooks in like 7 hours vs 12+.
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Offensive Star [319]
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Orange Blooded [2260]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
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May 16, 2024, 3:52 PM
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This article lost credibility in the last sentence. Toilets are hands down the easiest household appliance to fix...
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Varsity [117]
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Are you just using a plunger?******
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May 16, 2024, 4:56 PM
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Hall of Famer [8107]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
May 20, 2024, 7:52 AM
[ in reply to Re: How many of you are masters of the grill? ] |
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I had a male renter call me because the toilet was running. I told him “just jiggle the handle bro.” Some folks know how to do literally nothing.
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Athletic Dir [1136]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
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May 16, 2024, 3:59 PM
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That is “If I do say so myself”! 😂
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Orange Blooded [2132]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
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May 16, 2024, 4:59 PM
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Im on Tigernet right now waiting on my grill to get to the optimum temp before I go out on the deck and work my magic. Don't tell my wife and sons that I have know idea what I'm doing.
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TigerNet Champion [118114]
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Yeah, pretty much
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May 16, 2024, 5:05 PM
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I can get 2 burgers going simultaneously and roll them over with that grill paddle thing. It could be said that I make the best grilled stuff in the world.
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Clemson Conqueror [11388]
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Re: Yeah, pretty much
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May 16, 2024, 5:31 PM
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That's about where I am naturally. Here and there I overachieve thanks to YouTube and quality ingredients.
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Clemson Sports Icon [59973]
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Re: Yeah, pretty much
May 22, 2024, 7:50 PM
[ in reply to Yeah, pretty much ] |
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So are you saying that it could be said but it's never said
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All-In [10900]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
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May 16, 2024, 5:33 PM
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Well, I guess being a trained chef kinda sets me apart. I constantly monitor and control the temperature of the grill/smoker and internal temp of the meats. I only flip something once it hits a certain internal temp and remove 5 degrees before my intended final temperature. The resting phase will push internal temp 5 degrees easily. I also use a smoker more often than not. When I cook steaks; I Cook them using a reverse sear method. Meaning that I slow cook them at 225 until they reach an internal temp 12 degrees lower than the finished product demands. They are then placed on an 800 degree grill for 90 seconds per side to seal in those juices. It makes most all steaks fork tender and life changing delicious. Even those that ask for well done are treated to the most juicy well done piece of steak they’ve ever eaten. I also make wagyu beef hamburgers in the reverse sear manor. I’ve had grown men cry over the flavor and juiciness of my grilling.
All that said, I can confirm that 99% of “man grilled” meats are horribly over cooked or completely undercooked. Most lean towards overcooked. I cringe when I see meat flipped more than once. I also cringe when they squish the fat out of the burgers. Most add the meat well before the charcoal is ready and running clear which makes everything bitter and hard to eat.
Cooking is extremely scientific and not understanding how to cook is pretty common. Making that perfect brisket, pulled pork, or rack of ribs is not something most weekend warriors can pull off. The patience to bring those meats to 203 degrees before resting is too much for the majority of the weekend warriors. If you’re lookin’ you ain’t cookin’!
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Hall of Famer [8107]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
May 20, 2024, 10:18 AM
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I agree with this completely. I’ve been teaching myself to cook for 35 years through reading, practice, and videos,. Most people who grill meats just ruin them. I have a few friends who can also cook meats correctly, but they too are students of the task. It takes many years of experience and research to do it right.
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Offensive Star [318]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?***
May 19, 2024, 11:00 PM
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Heisman Winner [80778]
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If you'se don't confess, we's gonna take a baseball bat to your kneecaps.
May 20, 2024, 7:54 AM
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That kinda grilling?
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Hall of Famer [8107]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
May 20, 2024, 7:56 AM
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My teenage son was wanting to grill a steak with a friend. He asked me how to do it I said “step 1 - light grill, step 2 - place stakes on the grill, step 3 - after five minutes flip them, step 4 - after five more minutes take them off the grill. He and his friend thought I was a grilling wizard 😂
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Orange Blooded [2483]
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Re: How many of you are masters of the grill?
May 20, 2024, 10:09 AM
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Just get your wife to cook everything inside...then go and watch football. Easy peasy. :0)
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Replies: 23
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