Halloween After Action Report

Nov 1, 2024, 5:07 PM

Took out a 6-man candy collection squad for some recon. Wife of stayed home with the dogs, passing out candy.

Squad Composition: Myself in a T-Rex inflatable, 3 y/o Spiderman, 4 y/o daughter in matching T-Rex inflatable, 5 y/o 'Unicorn Princess', 6 y/o daughter in a SF soldier get-up, and 13 y/o ghoul.

Took along the overly priced WonderFold Wagon for contingencies.

There are 652 houses in our neighborhood, about half participate in handing out candy, and the plan was to hit about 2/3 of those. Somewhere in the realm of 200 houses. A tall task but not outside the realm of possibility. Stuffed the kids with Happy meals and rolled out. My resolve was tested occasionally, but I regained my spirits at the various Jello shot collection points, rehydrating with cheap domestic lite beer available at about every tenth house.

We suffered our first casualty about a mile in, when 'Unicorn Princess' developed a blister due to the improper footwear she demanded to wear. I bailed her into the wagon and we proceeded to clear houses. As their bags filled with candy we dumped them into the wagon. This was met with staunch opposition as 'Spiderman' was convinced that his spoils were being robbed, not that he was being provided another opportunity to collect more junk.

I failed to notice the weight of the wagon steadily increasing, partly because of my choice of hydration products, and partly because of the addition of 'Unicorn Princess' and the occasional Inflatable T-Rex.

About 2 miles in, we were deep behind enemy lines at the furthest point from home - Mini Rex lost power and started to melt down. I dropped my inflatable and replaced her power pack with mine, bribing the tears away with a combination of DOTS and Dum Dum's. At this point Mini Rex and Spiderman were joining 'Unicorn Princess' in the wagon between houses, and my 'SF Soldier' was whining for water and bed. Checked the time - 57 minutes since we left the house.

Started the trek back through the other half of the neighborhood back toward our house. Wife decides it's the best time to FaceTime everybody, and is met with crying and whining kids stuffing their faces with fistfuls of candy. She gives me the rundown of all of the houses that posted on the BuddyBook neighborhood page that they would be serving shots. We hit five more houses before everything unravels and I receive orders to return to base in the next ten minutes.

30 minutes later, we walk back in the front door. Everybody is completely unraveled, dogs barking, kids crying, **wagon half full of candy** - wife understandably annoyed. She'll get over it.

Total time 1 hour 42 minutes, total distance 3.7 miles.

Today's generation is soft. Clear skies, 75 degrees with an ever so slight breeze from the NE, operating entirely on flat ground. It's the one night a year to bother the neighbors and be demanding brats, offering only fake smiles and forced gratitude in return for confectionary bliss. I was expecting to be able to hit all of the houses without complaints. Like the candy, it was a mixed bag of pride and disappointment. They did more than a 5K and ran the majority of it - It is likely that they were closer to a 10K from running back and forth between houses.

Sorted the candy in the morning - chocolate in one garbage bag, fruity assorted items in the other. Nothing worse than a bubble gum flavored Reese's. I haven't done an APM weigh in for the candy haul, but I estimate ~45 lbs

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2 hours or so you can hit them all. Nothing is more than a quarter mile or so away. The way we roll with our three boys is as follows....

Wife walks around with youngest, as he usually bails after 1/2 the hood. BIL and myself pour large, stiff bourbon drinks and drive around in his Polaris. We monitor the older kids. Wife's sister, and BIL come with their 3 kids, so we have 6 total. BIL and I monitor the oldest 4 kids, while wife and SIL monitor the two youngest. Wife's parents man the fort for candy distribution while we're gone.

Before kickoff we all meet and eat. Heavy ##### devours mostly.

Middle son and SIL/BIL's middle daughter (niece) both did the entire hood, an impressive accomplishment. Candy weighed in at 6lbs for them. MIL and FIL tossed out 6 large Sam's bags of candy on the evening.

Halloween After Action Report

I can help you with the PTSD if needed.***

Re: I can help you with the PTSD if needed.***

Anyone who survives that is going to need serious medical and emotional support***

If you're going to talk about APM like that at least tag the man.***

If I tag him I think that means hes out. Skeetskeetskeet***

Yall need to come to our hood. 136 houses, perfect amount.

Re: Yall need to come to our hood. 136 houses, perfect amount.

Stopped at Oahu. Like. Stopped.

I built my house 15 years ago

Cant imagine a hood with 600+ houses***

Re: Cant imagine a hood with 600+ houses***

Nice! No never made it west of Camp Pendleton!***

Great write up, thanks. Brings back some memories.

Great write up. You at Kaneaohe?***

Re: Great write up. You at Kaneaohe?***

A yarn well spun***

It's like I was there

JFC, best post of the year

Re: JFC, best post of the year

652 houses in one neighborhood?

Re: 652 houses in one neighborhood?

dang

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