Dreading hearing smack talk from Gamecock fans over the next few months? Follow this simple plan I've been working on for the past four years to make your family healthier & wealthier!
First Step:
-Healthier: Avoid fast food drive-thrus. Gamecock alumni are everywhere: the window, the kitchen, and sometimes management (well I witnessed it one time, but I don't go to McDonald's often, so I'm extrapolating a bit here).
Second Step:
-Healthier & Wealthier: Avoid franchise dining establishments such as Chili's, Waffle House, and O'Charley's. While the alumni are more reserved in their smack talk due to their reliance on tips as their primary source of income, the "friendly" jabs are annoying and little Jack and Jill don't need to hear the word "#####" at dinner.
Third Step:
-Healthier & Wealthier: Avoid areas where you'll find a large contingent of Gamecock alumni such as ghettos, the parking lots of social service offices, "ricer" rallies, and monster truck events. By doing so you dramatically reduce your chance of being mugged and/or catching a venereal disease.
Fourth Step:
-Healthier: Avoid discussions/debates with Gamecock alumni - should be easy if you follow steps 1-3. Keep in mind, these are the people who chant "SEC" (spelling an acronym is the first step in being able to spell a word) and who believe history spans half a decade. Never forget that these are the people who have to "try to fail" - they aren't accustomed to failure (i.e. losing an argument). I promise your family physician will be thrilled with the improvement to your blood pressure!
Please add your steps to a healthier and wealthier 2014!