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YOUR BALANCE
Speaking of Five Guys, think I spilled some out of my pants
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Speaking of Five Guys, think I spilled some out of my pants


Jul 2, 2015, 9:07 AM

There's a spot on the harbor that I like to take the dogs at sunset this time of year. Yesterday before heading out on the quarter-mile walk from the house to the other side of the circle and to the marsh, I could discern a knot in my stomach that just would not go away. I figured it was the ball of greasy goodness from Five Guys I ate for lunch yesterday that was working it's way through my system. No big deal. I'm a ####### man.

"Just ignore it and have fun with the dogs", I said. "If I don't think about it will go away."

So I proceeded to make my way a couple of hundred feet from shore on a little sandbar we like... throwing that stupid tennis ball out in the water so the little retards could go swim after it. Everything was going fine until, on about the 4th throw out, I heard a ripping sound come from my arsehole.

"Did I just #### my pants?".

It was like warm jello.

Yes, I had just #### my pants while standing in the middle of the marsh --- about 100 yards from any tree or cover whatsoever.

Instead of getting butthurt and waddling back to shore like a little #####, I was successfully able to pull my drawers down (exposed to the cars passing by in the distance), take one of my socks off (RIP Nike basketball socks), and wipe my ### and boxers out. I pulled them back up and no one was none the wiser.

The hardest part of the whole thing was keeping the golden retriever from going after the sock when I tried to submerge it in the water (I'm normally not a proponent of littering, but I couldn't bear to throw this chocolate covered towel in the neighbor's trashcan. It's not right).

She (dog) was relentless in going after it and despite my best effort to keep her away, finally got ahold of the ###### sock and took to chewing on it pretty aggressively. Oh well. She's a stupid dog. She slept outside and had her teeth brushed because I did not want to smell my own #### all night.

Prayers appreciated.

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Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio’s too loudy.


Shut it down boys, this is the greatest Jounge story ever


Jul 2, 2015, 9:11 AM

Fat - Check
Five Guys - Check
Pants ######## - Check
Golden Retriever - Check

Im done. Nice.

I wish I had more points to give you.

2024 purple level memberringofhonor-greenr.jpg flag link military_tech thumb_downthumb_up

Wow, I saw how long the post was and ignored it


Jul 2, 2015, 9:16 AM

Going back to read it right now, see you in a few hours

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I picture his dog be like


Jul 2, 2015, 9:22 AM

.


2024 purple level member flag link military_tech thumb_downthumb_up

Re: I picture his dog be like


Jul 2, 2015, 9:49 AM

That's pretty accurate, actually.

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Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio’s too loudy.


Pure.Tnet. Gold


Jul 2, 2015, 9:13 AM

WHALE DUNN

2024 purple level member flag link military_tech thumb_downthumb_up

I laffed


Jul 2, 2015, 9:14 AM

and laffed again.

prayers sent.

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Jonathon Ously.


Jul 2, 2015, 9:18 AM

His middle name IS Danger.

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Dang you Crump, dang you to Haitis!


Jul 2, 2015, 9:20 AM

IT'S DAYS LIKE THIS WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO GIVE OUT MULTIPLE POINTS TO THE SAME POST!



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