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Replies: 33
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CU Medallion [64837]
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If I seem a little bit European this morning...
Jun 29, 2020, 9:09 AM
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It's because my FIL bought us a biddet.
I installed it and tried it out.
That sunovagun works, but good lord it shoots out hard.
It has like 3 settings.
#1 - does the job, but doesn't feel great. It feels like a water hose with someones thumb over it.
#2 - feels like a 2200 psi Craftsman pressure washer with a 10* nozzle.
#3 - feels like a full on 90,000 psi water jet with garnet abrasive media.
We're on well water and I have the switches set to give me 100 psi. (becuz 'Merica). I'm thinking a pressure regulating valve would do wonders, or do you think my hole will toughen up some with extended use?
Expert opinions only, no jokes, please.
TXtigerfan
Merci in advance.
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Lot o points [155631]
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Wait, you got a real bidet or you got one of those
Jun 29, 2020, 9:34 AM
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“As seen on TV” models that clamp on the toilet seat? The difference is as big as a composite deck to a pallet deck.
On the hole, how do you like it?
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Lot o points [155631]
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I’M WAITING FOR AN ANSWER***
Jun 29, 2020, 10:32 AM
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Cheapo one.
Jun 29, 2020, 10:34 AM
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It was a gift, so I begrudgingly installed it.
Knowing damnn good an well that my grandpa didn't die in WW2 so that I could use one of these... well he didn't die in WW2, but he *could have*. That's not the point.
It's cheap. It installed in like 2 minutes and it gets you squeaky clean.
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Lot o points [155631]
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What intrigues me is that
Jun 29, 2020, 10:42 AM
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With that design, doesn’t ######## water splatter the underside of the lid?
Also I’m seeing my grandfather this weekend....he survived WWII. glad to ask him if clean sphincters made the motivation list.
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CU Medallion [50635]
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doesn’t ######## water splatter the underside of the lid
Jun 29, 2020, 11:44 AM
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anyhow
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Joined: 9/27/04
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Heisman Winner [135478]
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Joined: 12/6/98
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GREAT AND HEAVENLY MOTHER OF MOTHRA, RYANADIDAS.
Jun 29, 2020, 9:54 AM
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If I can't trust you to wipe your own analcavity, how can I reasonably expect you to wipe mine? This is a dark day for hired labor in the wiping butler industry.
A DARK DAY INDEED.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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After spending all day wiping your butt, the last thing
Jun 29, 2020, 10:37 AM
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I want to do is come home and wipe my own!
It's like folks that spend all day serving drinks at a bar. The LAST thing on their mind is drinking when they go home.
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All-TigerNet [13764]
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This is a turrible correlation in my experience***
Jun 29, 2020, 2:18 PM
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CU Medallion [64837]
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that's the joke***
Jun 29, 2020, 9:32 PM
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Oculus Spirit [79400]
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So do you just slather your bhole with GOJO and then
Jun 29, 2020, 10:06 AM
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hover over it, or what does this look like in practice?
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Re: So do you just slather your bhole with GOJO and then
Jun 29, 2020, 10:36 AM
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You sit on the toilet, poop, and very slowly turn it to level 1. Boom, it blasts you right in the pupil of your brown eye. Let it run for a second. Grab a swatch of TP, dry off, check for brown stuff, there will be none. Call it good and put your drawers back on.
Leave the room more "woke" that you were beforehand.
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Oculus Spirit [79400]
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And just like that, ryanadidas began wearing skinny jeans
Jun 29, 2020, 10:56 AM
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and a black beanie everywhere he went, despite the oppressive heat and humidity.
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CU Medallion [65977]
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WATCH OUT, OL' BOY WILL BE WATCHING SOCCER NOW TOO
Jun 29, 2020, 11:02 AM
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I even bet he's a communist now
Lexington County Communist meeting August 2020:
"Before we cover the success of the 2016 election, let's welcome our new conrade, ryanadidas"
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Oculus Spirit [79400]
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Normally I'd say this is going a little bit too far
Jun 29, 2020, 11:08 AM
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But he keeps cracking Golden Corral jokes, so #### em. Probably gonna trade that Mustang GT in for the eco-boost version too. AND START WEAR A SCARF
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Oh, I forgot all about Golden Corral... until this.
Jun 29, 2020, 1:56 PM
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You of all people should invest in one.
It's probably the only chance you have at keeping your personal Chocolate Wonderfall clean.
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Oculus Spirit [80977]
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You're gonna chap your hole with all that water***
Jun 29, 2020, 10:16 AM
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MVP [539]
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Joined: 6/22/20
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Pigs of you using it?***
Jun 29, 2020, 10:22 AM
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All-In [47663]
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Joined: 11/15/99
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European this morning?
Jun 29, 2020, 10:27 AM
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I was a-pean earlier.
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All-In [27403]
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No***
Jun 29, 2020, 10:46 AM
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CU Medallion [55658]
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Joined: 11/30/98
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Wait a dayum minit. So you're telling me, in addition to get
Jun 29, 2020, 11:28 AM
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ting laid over the weekend, you bideted?
Hate to tell you, but life is not bound to get much better.
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Lot o points [163010]
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So in the winter, you b hole will be getting an ice cold
Jun 29, 2020, 12:09 PM
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blast. N ice.
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All-TigerNet [11244]
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Joined: 11/23/03
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Re: So in the winter, you b hole will be getting an ice cold
Jun 29, 2020, 2:02 PM
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Numbs the old 'roids. Still, no dingleberries!
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Heisman Winner [137789]
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If you notice that it's always on 3 and slightly
Jun 29, 2020, 1:08 PM
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out of position every time you go into the bathroom, well...that's a thing.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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So far it has been deadly accurate.
Jun 29, 2020, 2:01 PM
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You'd swear Chris Kyle or that dude from Saving Private Ryan was aiming it.
Thinking about remaking the movie, but calling it Cleaning Ryan's Privates.
Movie opens with graphic scene of me taking a rotten dump.
Then the bidet gets ready to fire up.
Boom, right in the eye.
Me holding on for dear life while getting pressure washed.
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CU Medallion [65977]
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Joined: 6/12/14
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I think 19B is implying that a female in the house
Jun 29, 2020, 2:06 PM
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may be using it for personal pleasure.
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Joined: 9/27/04
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Oh, I got that. That would definitely knock the stink off
Jun 29, 2020, 2:07 PM
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of it.
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Heisman Winner [137789]
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And possibly a flap or two.***
Jun 29, 2020, 3:49 PM
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Hall of Famer [22935]
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How do you dry off afterward?
Jun 29, 2020, 2:00 PM
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In Europe, they have a community use towel nearby for all to share.
How much ball massage time did you give it?
Did you clean inside too?
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CU Medallion [64837]
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Posts: 22718
Joined: 9/27/04
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Re: How do you dry off afterward?
Jun 29, 2020, 2:02 PM
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few squares of TP.
no ball massage.
feels like it cleans the last few inches of colon.
possibly... my kids are definitely not allowed to use it.
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CU Medallion [65977]
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You've got my attention, ryanadidas, got a question
Jun 29, 2020, 2:04 PM
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at what point to you spit on the TP ?
Asking for a friend
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CU Medallion [64837]
TigerPulse: 100%
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Joined: 9/27/04
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Spitting on TP is a thing of the past for me...
Jun 29, 2020, 2:06 PM
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when I'm at home.
I'll still keep that in my bag of tricks when I'm in the wind, though.
I just took a dump at work, and honestly I missed not being able to fire up the old water pick.
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CU Medallion [65977]
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Joined: 6/12/14
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HAY GUISE, SOUNDS LIKE OL' BOY IS MISSING NOT
Jun 29, 2020, 2:08 PM
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having something up his ain'tus
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Replies: 33
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50
